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Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Families and Dysfunction

I've written before about how maddening the dysfunction is in hubs family.

We no longer speak to his parents and not all of the siblings.  The bulk of hubs paternal family is toxic. The positive role models in his maternal side of the family are deceased and no communication with the toxic ones.

It's really amazing looking at the toxicity in his family that he's been able to attach to me and our child as well as he has.

Saturday though, a few of the cousins in his family had decided to have a mini-family reunion with none of their parents (as they were all the trouble makers in the batch).  We took kiddo and met up with them, had a potluck lunch and talked for awhile.

I wasn't very comfortable for the bulk of it, as the subject of several people that I don't approve of the way they view family were mentioned in a positive light and it made me question their suitability for regular communication.

I did talk to one of the sisters for awhile though and while it's the one that hubs has a trauma bond with and they trigger each other so badly, she's really trying and is now raising her granddaughter.  She has 2 sons, one of which is a meth addict and one is a convicted sex offender.  We obviously have no communication with them.  The grandbaby was removed from the home of the meth addict at age 4. She's now 6 and still is not verbal at all.

The trauma she's experienced is evident daily and she was not born with these deficiences.  She sees what damage has happened and why and is starting to understand. She's working so hard to find this child help and I think she's working to see this as a redo.

I hope she finds healing herself as a result.

Given the way we communicated, I was stunned by the difference in her already.  She's made some positive changes and I'm hopeful that one day they can recover their relationship.

If not though, as long as she can help that precious little girl, we'll be happy.

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