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Saturday, July 30, 2016

The Foster World

It's so annoying to find somebody in the foster world that just doesn't get it and doesn't put the kids first.  It's really annoying when they say something out of line and they have no idea you adopted out of foster care. It's even worse when it's a customer and you have to choose between keeping your job and letting them have it.

I said a few things without crossing any lines, but there was so much more I wanted to say.

A customer of mine said he'd went to training and was considering opening a residential facility local. In the next breath, he talked about being late because he didn't have a full foster payment because he'd just disrupted on the boy he'd had for awhile.

He said the paperwork was unreal and I'd be shocked to know how much was involved in foster care. I told him then I adopted from foster care, so yeah, I had a pretty good idea.

It went from bad to worse.

It's been 2 weeks and I'm still fuming.

He said he was considering adopting this boy that's been with him, but he was acting out so bad since TPR happened and he just couldn't do it. The boy was having sex, begging him to drive him to see girlfriend, not turning loose of his phone and he just couldn't do it.

I said "Poor guy, he's probably been feeling some pretty big anxiety about all that".

He said I didn't get it and obviously I got a "good child", not the problem kids he always has gotten.  He said he was really tired of social workers not telling the whole picture.  I get that part, but his thing was "This boy had 14 placements in 3 years and the worker didn't tell me until I put in my notice".

I told him I get the frustration about not having the full picture and agreed he should know that so he could prepare. He said nobody would ever take a child with that many placements if they knew.  I said I thought some would and that just because some familes aren't the right match doesn't mean there isn't a good family out there that is a good match.

He said some kids just don't have a match and shouldn't have a family.

I was fuming.

At that point I ended the conversation and sent him on his merry way because I was either getting fired or arrested if it went any further.

If somebody is in it for the money and not the kids, then they need to get lost.

If they're burnt out, it's time to not take another child on, much less consider opening a residential center.

and yes.....he said he chose the agency he did because they paid the most.  I'm not buying that, but still.

He said he was considering residential because of the money. :(

This is why foster parents get a bad rap.  I hate this.

Meanwhile, all I could think about was kiddos baby sis and her number of placements and hoping she doesn't end up with somebody like him, hoping she ends up with a good family and not age out of care.

I think of my child, her residential stay, her disrupted adoption (or is that dissolved? I always get confused). It was after adoption was final.  Yet, she still worked at it, was willing to try to trust us, was willing to try to be a family girl and he she is in the family she's meant to be with, being cherished, loved and treasured forever.

In some ways, kiddos baby sis situation is made worse by being so daggone cute.  She gets so many inquiries because of that and then either gets shut down, they get turned down for not being a good match, they back out because of her history or she gets disrupted after in a home.

It's time to stop the cycle. Can you be the change the world needs to see? If you can be stubborn and out stubborn some cute kids that need a healthy home, and can provide healing and patient, connected parenting, please consider fostering, adopting or both.

Friday, July 29, 2016

Christmas List

Well, kiddo has finally gotten to the point where she'll ask for what she wants without us having to fish and push and prod until we get an answer.

Each Christmas, at best, she's asked for about 3 things and having to ask her a zillion times.

We asked her the other day what she'd like for Christmas, rattling off a few suggestions since she struggles with it normally. She kept saying no to our suggestions and given what the suggestions were, that made it obvious she knew what she wanted.

We asked.....

her answer....

a car.

When did this little girl start growing up so much?

When we said she needed to know IF we decided to do that, it wasn't like she'd be able to get other things for Christmas.

She said just 2 more things....

bananas

turtles

That girl!!

She cracks me up.


Thursday, July 28, 2016

Sibling Visit

Kiddos baby sis wasn't able to come to her birthday party at the end of June so me and the therapist put our heads together to see when we could plan a playdate.

Given that baby sis's birthday is early August, we decided to make a playdate special at the half way mark and celebrate both their birthdays together.

The therapist came up with the place and we made plans.

As time got closer and closer, kiddo was showing more and more anxiety.  Finally, she comes out with it.  The place the therapist chose was where their last family used to vacation.

I reached out and we changed the location and got together.  The therapist said baby sis hadn't even acknowledged that she'd ever been there before. The therapist also talked to baby sis and she said "yes, let's move it, I want her to have as much fun as me".  So much progress. No meltdowns.

The most amazing visit ever!!

It's so obvious how much better baby sis is getting.

She called me by my name. That has never happened. I'm a grown up that has gotten to the point where I'm enough of her life to now have a name. lol

When kiddo refused to go on the slide with her, she didn't throw a temper tantrum.  I offered to go with her and she always turns us down when we offer to do things kiddo doesn't want to. She'd rather not do something she wants than do it without her big sis.  This time, she waited awhile, came to me and asked me to go on the slide with her and asked big sis to watch us.

when kiddo didn't want to do something, she wasn't aggressive and rough. She's not cruel and hurtful, but normally plays way too rough and in a dysregulated way.  She pouted in a normal way but didn't lose her mind over being turned down.

She didn't eat all her lunch.  Normally she eats all her food and half of kiddos.

She nearly cried at the end of visit.

That broke my heart, but also made me smile deep in my soul for having a normal reaction.

She has since been almost matched with somebody local to us and they backed out at the last moment.  They are having a time finding somebody willing and able to accept her issues.  I keep sharing the DSS facebook post of her. Maybe one day she can find permanency and be the treasured daughter of a family the way her sister is for us.

The girls exchanged gifts at the visit.  They had sno cones together and tons of water play.
Our visit was at a water park.  The therapist said 5 hours.  Kiddo said 1 hour, maybe 2 if it was going well, because she stresses her out so much. We got there and kiddo kept saying she wanted to stay longer.  We were there 4 1/2 hours and then it wasn't because of baby sis that we left. We were burnt and at that point the park was at max capacity, which is a trigger for kiddo.

Birthday

It's been a busy summer, nearly a month later and I'm finally getting around to here to talk about the pool party.

Kiddo's party was the best ever this year.

Bigger turnout on the kid end of it.  Party was suppose to be 1:30-4:30, but the first person showed up at 12:15 and the last one (other than the one that stayed the night) left shortly after 6 pm.

The interactions---really big deal for me to watch that.

The interactions between her and her friends demonstrated to me just how much she's grown up over the past few years.  When she arrived here, she was 11 chronologically. I'd say 7-8 emotionally.  She's pretty close to caught up to her age emotionally now.  A little behind, but not really noticeable now.

The bonds are strong with these friends and it was so much fun to watch.


Her pets were "invited" to the party and got the first piece of cake. She claims it was an accident, but given that her husky is still ranked above friends, I'm not totally sold on it.  Her request was blue and no chocolate so her husky could eat some of her cake.

The kids played hard, ate cake in the gazebo, swam and enjoyed her flamingo float she got for her bday.  Kiddo got to ride it very little, this was the popular pool toy for the day...


The party was emoji themed, so not only the cake had emoji's, but we got her a dozen emoji beach balls for the kids to play with and the gift bags had emoji earrings for the girls.


Many of the guests brought her emoji gifts even.  She ended up with 2 emoji bean bags. I was so glad I didn't get her the bean bag, because I really almost did. lol

We gave her front row tickets to see Carrie Underwood, me, her and one friend will be going.  

It was an amazing day.

Her sister didn't get to come because there was an adoption party the same day, but more on that later.......


Saturday, July 2, 2016

Pseudo Tumor

Well, we had a little scare recently.

Right after our return from Tybee, kiddo had an eye appointment.

Good news first....she no longer is required to wear glasses, her vision has improved.

Bad news....she has an elevated optic nerve.

Of course, I looked up what that meant and of course I keep stumbling on brain tumors, etc, but nothing about innocent things.

We had to go to a specialist and get it checked out.  I had a grouchy, nervous kid on my hands all week leading up to it, so I really couldn't wait to get it over on so many levels.

The doc looked at it, looked some more, hummm'd and hummm'd and asked more questions.

Finally he looked again and said "What meds did you say she took recently that she's not currently?"

Both of them are known for causing this problem and it's called a pseudo tumor cerebri.

It looks like a brain tumor to the untrained eye and without attention can cause pressure of the brain against the skull.

We stopped the meds immediately.  The meds were for acne anyway. I'd rather have a child with a broke out face than not have her or have brain issues.  It wasn't like we'd even requested acne meds for her. She went for a normal appointment and doctor suggested it. I wasn't there that day, but her and dad said yes.  I would have too, I'm sure.

That apparently has been the reason for her headaches as well, but with hormones, known history of migrained in birth family and side effects to meds, it wasn't obvious that there was a problem.

She still has to go see a neurologist and also get an MRI and make sure all is well.

They said within 2 weeks, things should go back to normal now that she's completely off the meds.

The doctor that found the problem kept stressing not to get worked up, that about 1 in 1000 have that and that it was a reasonable med for her doctor to put her on in theory, just didn't agree with her.

He must've been reading my mind.

The one that put her on this is the same one that
1--called her fat
2--told her she couldn't find good guy if she was fat
3--told me to lock up the food
4--told her to jump an hour a day on the trampoline (and immediately after, she hurt her ankle again)
5--took her off diabetes meds and then when she went back to endocrinologist, they fussed because she hadn't been taking her meds.

Yeah, all that was lumped together, so it's not like one happened and we kept going.

She's already been terminated as kiddos doctor, but it just added fuel to the fire on that, whether it was a rational suggestion to that that med or not.

Stress level has decreased some, but not entirely, as we have a sibling visit coming up soon.

Stay tuned.....