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Saturday, July 30, 2016

The Foster World

It's so annoying to find somebody in the foster world that just doesn't get it and doesn't put the kids first.  It's really annoying when they say something out of line and they have no idea you adopted out of foster care. It's even worse when it's a customer and you have to choose between keeping your job and letting them have it.

I said a few things without crossing any lines, but there was so much more I wanted to say.

A customer of mine said he'd went to training and was considering opening a residential facility local. In the next breath, he talked about being late because he didn't have a full foster payment because he'd just disrupted on the boy he'd had for awhile.

He said the paperwork was unreal and I'd be shocked to know how much was involved in foster care. I told him then I adopted from foster care, so yeah, I had a pretty good idea.

It went from bad to worse.

It's been 2 weeks and I'm still fuming.

He said he was considering adopting this boy that's been with him, but he was acting out so bad since TPR happened and he just couldn't do it. The boy was having sex, begging him to drive him to see girlfriend, not turning loose of his phone and he just couldn't do it.

I said "Poor guy, he's probably been feeling some pretty big anxiety about all that".

He said I didn't get it and obviously I got a "good child", not the problem kids he always has gotten.  He said he was really tired of social workers not telling the whole picture.  I get that part, but his thing was "This boy had 14 placements in 3 years and the worker didn't tell me until I put in my notice".

I told him I get the frustration about not having the full picture and agreed he should know that so he could prepare. He said nobody would ever take a child with that many placements if they knew.  I said I thought some would and that just because some familes aren't the right match doesn't mean there isn't a good family out there that is a good match.

He said some kids just don't have a match and shouldn't have a family.

I was fuming.

At that point I ended the conversation and sent him on his merry way because I was either getting fired or arrested if it went any further.

If somebody is in it for the money and not the kids, then they need to get lost.

If they're burnt out, it's time to not take another child on, much less consider opening a residential center.

and yes.....he said he chose the agency he did because they paid the most.  I'm not buying that, but still.

He said he was considering residential because of the money. :(

This is why foster parents get a bad rap.  I hate this.

Meanwhile, all I could think about was kiddos baby sis and her number of placements and hoping she doesn't end up with somebody like him, hoping she ends up with a good family and not age out of care.

I think of my child, her residential stay, her disrupted adoption (or is that dissolved? I always get confused). It was after adoption was final.  Yet, she still worked at it, was willing to try to trust us, was willing to try to be a family girl and he she is in the family she's meant to be with, being cherished, loved and treasured forever.

In some ways, kiddos baby sis situation is made worse by being so daggone cute.  She gets so many inquiries because of that and then either gets shut down, they get turned down for not being a good match, they back out because of her history or she gets disrupted after in a home.

It's time to stop the cycle. Can you be the change the world needs to see? If you can be stubborn and out stubborn some cute kids that need a healthy home, and can provide healing and patient, connected parenting, please consider fostering, adopting or both.

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