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Sunday, February 19, 2012

Most amazing little girl in the world

If we could have brought her home today, we would have.  Today was one of the best days of my life….until we had to say goodbye for now, that is.

I fell in love immediately and my first words to my husband was "omg, you HAVE to look up NOW, she's absolutely the most adorable little girl I've ever seen!!"

My heart is going to be so crushed if this doesn’t work out. She is the most amazing little girl and so positively perfect. She told me about her dream last night, dreaming about the slide at McDonalds, had us watch her purse while she played, eyes wide open with amazement and the story of Santa’s reindeer in our yard last year.  Such a pleasant day.  She had an oreo flurry, which happens to be my favorite flavor ice cream!

We went to a playground afterwards and played, took a walk and had a great time.  I can see daddys girl in her future. .....on his shoulders and waving to friends, calling for them to look. It’s so obvious she's ready for a family and I hope it’s us.  I turned to mush when she reached for hubbys hand.  We took a walk down to the dog park where she wanted to look at the dogs, and if we could go to our house for awhile and see Arlo.  We got to watch her interact with other kids and see how outside the box she plays vs others. My kid in spirit at least.

Such a perfect day. At the end though, she wouldn’t say bye to us and didn’t want to leave. We didn’t either. I got in the car and cried because I was already missing you. Hubby looked over and said “I know, I miss her too”

Side note: there was a buzzard there today too. Little Miss noticed it and pointed out the “eagle” or I’d have never noticed <3

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I think I could throw up....

so totally stressed right now, excited and stressed together.

We heard back today.  Lil Miss H's worker wants us to come meet her Saturday. YES!! We get to meet our future kiddo.
How exciting.

or not......she also gets to meet the other family in the top 2. I'm a wreck. What if Lil Miss H gravitates right to them and not interested in us? I keep telling myself....  31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

I try to believe that. I really do.  I don't always though. I keep wondering why the journey has been so difficult, why so many challenges, what we did to deserve this? 

Husband is calm as a cucumber. He feels fine that she'll like us fine and we'll be the ones matched. 

Only we could be in the finals on an unusual circumstance where the child meets more than one set of prospective parents.   What will I do if we get rejected? It'd crush me to meet her and then not get to be her mommy.

I keep telling myself all these multiple obstacles we had to cross to get this far, surely God wouldn't bring us to it if He wouldn't bring us through it.

Could use some serious prayers though!!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Control Tower

I haven't been on here lately because I'm so overwhelmed with excitement, I can't put my thoughts into words, but then I heard an analogy that put together how I'm thinking.

The pilot gets in the plane, can't see everything through the clouds and the control tower is responsible for telling the pilot when to turn, descend, ascend, etc.  Through it all, the pilot gets us where we're going, but it is 90% adjustment from it's current path.  Rarely is it a straight line.

The adoption journey for us hasn't been a straight line either.

We had an interview on Princess M last March. It went extremely well and yet, we weren't chosen. In the final 2 and the other couple was chosen.

We had an interview on Lil Miss H Friday. I'm afraid to be hopeful. We've been hopeful in the past and it fall through, but it's all been a very crooked line.

Lil Miss H we found last fall. She was on adoptuskids with her siblings.  We found her and Princess Redhead at the same time.  I tried to talk the hubby into applying for them, but he said no, 3 was too many, so we only applied for Princess Redhead. I kept her on my watch list anyway as I prayed for them.  Apparently though I did more than watch because when she was separated from her younger siblings, I got a notice asking if we were still interested even though it was only 1.  Not only only 1, but THE one that I really felt something for. I told the hubby and he said "quick, call our worker".

We called our worker....7 weeks later she STILL had not submitted our home study and she said Lil Miss H already had a prospective family. I was furious and hurt and so was DH. I literally cried myself to sleep that night, it felt like everyone was working against us and that if our worker wasn't advocating for us, then we were doomed.

Despite that, I reached out to see if she was really placed. Turns out our worker saw the siblings status and not her status, she thought they'd been placed together (I don't REALLY believe that, I think that was her excuse to not admit she forgot to submit our study), but in any event, that Friday she submitted our home study.  Her worker had a meeting and eliminated the unacceptable families. We were in the "explore more info" pile as a potential family.

Princess Redheads worker reached out Monday and told us the deal with her and that a little more time was needed. (we interviewed on her by phone a few weeks ago)

Lil Miss H's worker reached out to us directly on Monday and told us a little about this 'lil angel and asked if we were willing and able to accomodate her worst behavioral issues.  We asked a couple questions to clarify and decided we still were very interested.  On Wednesday, she reached out and requested a face to face interview and on Friday we had an interview.

We think it went very well. They seemed to like us and think we could be good for her, but of course, we have to wait and they are interviewing one more family before a decision is made.

I keep thinking about the control tower and the crooked journey. God had to work serious miracles to get this young lady in our path, to get our home study submitted, to get us considered despite all these odds. If He can do that, I'm sure He can get us approved for her.

I'm terrified. She has some pretty severe issues, and yet, that's EXACTLY the child I want, as does the husband.  It feels right. I hope I'm not wrong. I almost think Princess M last March may have been a way to prepare us for this one, she's eeirily similar.  As a result, we ended up focusing more of our training on those type issues in case we ran into another like her or if her adoption disrupted (in which case, we knew we'd be called)

Either way, say a prayer for both of these young ladies. I think I know what direction we're suppose to go in. I'm just not sure others are on the same page yet. Time will tell what the control tower (God) has in store for us.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours ~Mark 11:24

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

His Will?

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."
(Proverbs 16:9) NIV

Back in January 2011, I found out an employee was pregnant. She claimed she was on birth control, but we all know how that goes. I figured she just didn’t want to admit she was lax and/or wanted a baby.

In August, baby Gabby was born, she has been a blessing to us all, and amazingly I have never been jealous at all over her. I just enjoy her cuddly hugs and beautiful smile.
All through our adoption journey, we keep getting told we’ll have the child God wants us to have and we just hadn’t found the child he wants us to have yet, that he’s still preparing her, blah, blah, blah. You know? All the things you really don’t want to hear. It’s His timing, it’s meant to be, it’s His will. The whole time, despite my faith in God, I haven’t bought into that. I think our free will affects the destination we arrive at on our journey. After all, God may not plan for me to die right now, but how many times can I run out in front of a truck before it kills me, even when it’s not the original plan.

Admittedly, I have struggled with my aggravation over the lackadaisical attitude of our adoption worker and the numerous kids we haven’t even been considered for because she dropped the ball and didn’t get the info requested or submit our home study.

 Back to J for a moment and her baby Gabby….after Gabby was born, J decided to use Mirena for her birth control and prevent a repeat with the pills. Well, back in November, her Mirena FELL OUT. VERY weird. Her doctor said that rarely happens and has only known of 3 instances of this, to come back in and she’d put a new one in and she’s NEVER seen it happen twice, so no worries. Late December, yep, you guessed it, her Mirena fell out again. Needless to say, they determined she’s not a good candidate for this and put her back on the pill. Last night the news had an announcement that her pill has been recalled, as it was released without the active ingredient and is not effective for birth control.

We’ve been teasing her endlessly over Gabby having a new brother/sister so quickly, but then the thought went to God’s plans and how the best way to make Him laugh is to make plans. His plans WILL prevail.

Somehow all that happening gave me hope, that maybe we WILL find our child despite all the obstacles along the way. Surely God can fix this situation when I’m unable to fix it. If He can make 3 birth controls fail in somebody trying so hard NOT to have a baby, surely He wouldn’t give me desire for children and not let me find them.
Coincidentially or not, shortly after having this good laugh for the morning about J and her potential pregnancy, our adoption worker e-mailed. The beautiful ‘lil girl we wanted our name in the hat for and she’d said she’d been matched and our home study had never been submitted for (yes, the one in the post below)…..they want to review our home study after all.
Coincidence or not, I’ll take it. It gives us hope that God can move when others aren’t.  I attached this video because this is 'lil Miss H's favorite song. How appropriate for this post.