Adoption Agreement....SIGNED!!!

My head is pounding now, all the stress is releasing now that the documents are signed.

It's been such a wonderful day.

The Char Bear got out of school, excited that she'd passed (yes, she was genuinely worried, and mommy was a touch worried, given that she's not a great test taker and apparently school is all about the SOL's now)

The hubster recorded her a special mix CD today and picked her up in the convertible early to come home in time for her custodial worker to show up with the paperwork for us to sign.

She got to sign the TFC paper with us to release her from TFC.  We all loved that she was allowed to use our last name on that document.

Then we went to dinner and celebrated at the Japanese Steakhouse. Love the floor show. It's where we celebrated when she first moved in, so it's really appropriate.

Now, bring on the court date!!

You know you're a trauma mom when.....

• kids are going nuts in your place of business and you're the only one not being judgmental because you know there may be more to the story and it could just as easily be you and your child
• you celebrate the weeks you DON'T get e-mails from the teachers
• you see one of your childs teachers in the grocery store and THEY run the other way, instead of your kid
• you celebrate that the food "safety" box in her room is no longer empty every morning
• your friends kids are all getting awards, honor roll, etc at school for end of year and you're celebrating that your child got thru the year with only one fight and is passing
• you're excited because she worked up the courage to tell you she's "mad at you" instead of worrying that'll result in getting "sent back"
• your daughters soccer coach "bribes" her to play her best by letting her use 1/2 time that's for team to strategize to come hang out with mommy and daddy instead 

Add yours....

oh, how being a mommy to my special girl changes our perspective!! She's a wonderful child and we love her dearly and celebrate every bit of progress.  This is just a short list of recent things that come to mind.  

and if you're not a trauma mom and stumbled on this, enjoy every success of your child, no matter minor or major.  If you celebrate the little things, you'll be more likely to be "invited" to celebrate the big things with them.

Best Friends

Best Friends....   Char Bear had her first sleepover this past weekend. 2 crazy, giggly girls in the house and it was so wonderful to see her so happy. Then the same day, moms best friend called.  She called Saturday to see if she could borrow our carpet cleaner. I gave it to her since we have no carpet anyway. We talked for AGES. She's missing my mommy pretty bad lately and went to her house and sat on her porch for awhile. I broke the news to her that we're renting moms place out and she expressed concern about what the renters would think, given that she CLEANED THEIR PORCH while she was there. I couldn't help but get the giggles at that. I know mom had to be cracking up if you were watching at that point. She came and visited the next day and and shared memories about how special mom was and told babygirl all about her grandma.  Peggy (moms best friend) was stunned by our daughter, a little girl that acts way too much like my mommy and looks way too much like me. She's as convinced as I am that this was a "God Match".  Babygirl even told Peggy that when she grows up, she's moving into that house and that she's more than welcome to sit on her porch anytime AND clean it.  That's my child. Anyway, it was good to see her and go down memory lane, crying and laughing with somebody that "gets it". My mommy was MY best friend too, other than my hubby. We told her when mom left us that we were bored silly and finding the baby really helped us so much. I'm so thankful for the legacy my mom left through us and for her living on through our memories. She'll be loved forever!! I hope one day after our baby grows up that I'll be her best friend.

Sibling Day

Yesterday we had a FAPT meeting out of town.  Since the Char Bears sis hasn't yet been adopted (she's currently in residential) and we'd be close by, a lunch date was set up for the two of them.

What a coincidence....and on sibling day.

It went very well.  The hubster and I set a code word in case our babygirl got stressed and needed relief she'd have a way of letting us know without hurting her sisters feelings.  It was so sweet to see my baby so protective and sweet with her baby sis.  It's obvious she loves her. It's also obvious why our baby needed to be an only child.  I suspect based on the mischevious look of her sister and cuteness with her age that my baby probably didn't get her share of attention, with the "baby" pulling most of the attention.

It was good for them to see each other. I was really proud of how they both did and looking forward to their next meeting together.

FAPT meeting was amazing, we got kudo's for how well our sweet girl is progressing and got bragged on about the amount of training we had, but even better--the worker that sees us interact with Char Bear the most said "we can say it's training all we want, but from my viewpoint, it appears they really have natural parenting for attachment instincts".  Woot woot, every progress report that our baby has made progress in some area no matter how small and hearing that we're doing the right things and that it's okay that we haven't fixed every wound overnight helps us recognize to continue being patient with her and continue to help her the best we can.

I think though, that despite good instincts and good training, that the good chemistry between us as a family, the good match and Char Bear's WILLINGNESS to work on her trauma is as every much as important as what we've done or haven't done.

TEAM--Together Everyone Achieves More

and right now, we have a great team--us, Char Bear, her amazing workers!

what a day....

This morning soccer was at 8:30 with pictures an HOUR before. None of us are morning people and baby girl was exceptionally grouchy.  We got there and to make it worse, photos were running behind and it was only 29 degrees outside.

Did I mention team photos were required?

We went to the movies to relax as a family and then dinner and the grocery store. Grocery shopping is stressful for both me as and the baby.  That made for a not fun trip with the baby tired and grouchy. I guess I'll have to remind her when she fusses over the lack of snacks why we don't have many.

She wasn't amused that I made her hold my hand on the way out the store, but that's as close to time in as I could do in my moment of stress.  It did help though getting her mostly out of a disregulated state. 

I was stressed and tense when we got home, her "help" with bringing groceries in didn't help and she was still a tad off. I think I needed a time out, lol.  

After a few minutes though, we are all relaxed and I'm enjoying just hanging out beside the kid while she watches TV.

Attachment and Trust.....

More on attachment.....

First, therapist doesn't feel like babygirls attachment issues are extreme and definitely not in the RAD spectrum. Not that I love and trust her therapist, but on that I'll agree.

Attachment specialist is giving us monthly reports on our sessions with her and it seems that babygirl is progressing well and on target.  She's obviously got some fears and distrustful still, but she says it's also very obvious that she wants to be a part of this family, wants to love and trust us and willing to do the work to make it work on her end.  She also said it's obvious that we're naturals at parenting for attachment.

That made us feel really good.  I want so much for us to be good parents for our Princess and be exactly what she needs to heal, get through her past and become a regular family girl.  On an even better note, the attachment worker said when she got the last report from her social worker, that she almost cried with how well we're all doing together and how good of a job we're doing for her.

Speaking of family, she got to talk to her bio sister on the phone the other day.  Daddy said "Your sister sure sounds cute".  Princess says "Yeah, that's how she gets you, she's not as innocent as she sounds".  lol

That said, plans are in the works to try to line up a lunch date with her sis.  She seems pretty excited by it.  She also seems to enjoy and get excited about time with her new family and really cares about building a family.  I love it.

Today during our attachment session, one of the exercises was using a doll with tears on one side and smiles on the other side. We had to tell each other a story using both sides of the doll.  Babygirl told a story about a dog chasing a cat and the cat being sad and not feeling loved, but then the dog caught the cat, told her he loved her and he wanted her to be a part of his family. Not sure what to make of that, can't wait to get the report.

a year of firsts

Each holiday brings another first.....finding out traditions from her past, merged with our own traditions. More love, more fun, more learning about one another.

She loved the thought the Easter bunny put into what's in her basket, wasn't amused that he doesn't hide eggs with money in it.  Guess we should discuss more things before holidays, lol

The caterpillar on top is the one from Mario that she wanted for her birthday in June. She also got a building Yoshi.

We went to church this morning and I finally got her to agree to a different church with a pastor, music and people I liked pre her.  We got there and the crowd freaked her out, so we went back to the little country church near us and she was happy.

Crowds and noise are tough on her. Daddy/daughter dinner on the way home from therapy last week was going to be Panera, but it was busier than normal so they had a change of plans.

At church, she originally requested going to the little church because she didn't want to walk in the rain. I almost reacted and said that was silly, but I pulled over, we talked and I found out it was the crowd that stressed her. Fortunately I noticed the stress before getting out of the car. I explained its OK to say she's stressed and why so we can help instead of finding an excuse that we may not respond to, thinking she's silly if we don't pick up on the stress.

I do adore this child. How lucky we are.