Follow by Email

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Trying so hard

I'm so proud of our girl. Ever since the fiasco at the beach, she's been trying so hard to be our little family girl.

Lots planned for the next few weeks, so hoping the pressure isn't too much and she doesn't blow, but I feel like she's going to work hard at it and we're optimistic. Good conversations, good play time and lots of good quality family time and hugs.

now, if only she'd clean her room ;)

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Weekend Fun

Friday night, Char asked to go to the movie in the park with a friend, so we went there after dinner.

We saw Monsters University. The friend ended up sitting with us while watching the movie and occassionally the two of them would go to the playground and hang out, then come back and check on the movie.

Saturday, we went to see Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.

Char said "Yay, I got to see BOTH sides of the family this weekend"

Funny girl!!

I wish I could get rid of the nagging feeling that things are going to blow up again soon.  It's been exactly a month today since our beach trip and the Traumaversary drama and she's been good as gold.  Ridiculously good most days.

I don't know if mommy spidey sense is working or if it's just that she's been so over the top good that I don't think she can keep it up, not normal good, but very good.

I just wish I could help and make her more secure.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

What's the worst thing a parent can do to a child?

Therapy today and played "Talking, Feeling, Doing"

What's the worst thing a parent can do to a child? was the very first question that the game asked me.  Char answered "not feed them".

The zillion things that have went on in her past, the food is the one she's having the biggest trouble with.

After we talked about that for a minute, the therapist asked if I could take my turn and answer it.  lol.
My answer was "not showing that you love your child".

We all talked about that for a minute too.  Char decided my answer was "right".

Oddly, we all seemed to get the appropriate questions for either our situation or showing what we needed to show each other.

Char got the question "have you ever considered running away and what happened?"  She used to run away alot before getting to us.  She's run to the front yard and back yard twice since here and packed twice since here and once threatened at the beach.  She totally did NOT want to answer that question.  She answered based on her past house and diverted with "running into a tree".  Her therapist did ask if she'd tried running since with us and where she ran to.  Char told her she ran to the building with comic books and sat in a chair reading of course.

I think I may order that game.  It's pricey, but if we can play as a family from time to time, it may help us long term.

On the fence whether it'd be as productive in an uncontrolled setting.


Despite the resistence to playing, at the end of the session, Char went thru 5 cards by her own initiative. I think she enjoyed it.

Are we pushing our luck?

So, Char said the biggest thing about our beach trip fiasco was how crowded it was.  She doesn't do well with crowds and never has.  She said she loved the trip to OBX last year and said she'd like to go there this summer.

We made the reservations. Now she's saying she doesn't want to go.  Reason: length of drive

She said staying home suited her fine. I told her momma really needs a few days somewhere else where I'm not having to clean up constantly.

Today, she said if we can go see her cousin on the way, which would break up the trip and us take her to lunch, the drive wouldn't be stressful and that she does love the beach.

I'd love to be in her head and know what's truly going on. If the beach is *really* an issue (and I have my doubts), then I'd gladly give the trips up for her sanity, but if it's a diversion (which I suspect) and it's something not beach related, then we want to tackle it and move forward.

Ugh!!! If only I had a crystal ball.


We had therapy today. Char refused to talk about anything and was creating as many diversions as possible.
Therapist pulled us aside and said making her talk will not work and it's obvious to her that this new clinginess to us at therapy combined with refusal to talk is fear over having opened up on some of her past and that really, talking about the past wasn't really the important part.  She pulled out the game "Talking, Feeling, Doing" and we all played that.

Initially Char refused to play. I said I was going first. Char said no, I said if she wasn't playing, then I was going first, if she was playing, then she could have a say in it.  I went first.  Right after my turn, she jumped in and said she wanted to play too and it went very well.

I have to give props to the therapist. She used her thinking cards to subtly point out how much we love Char and how parents show this love.

I answered my questions and did my things honestly and she used mine and hubs answers to point out how this shows our love for her.

It was fun, but I also think it was helpful!!

Char even said a few loving things towards us and when we'd look at her in surprise (sorry), she'd say "turn around and take your turn, I don't know how to do this love stuff, it's getting icky"

CRAZY KID!! Love her dearly!!

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Social Media Rules

Our jobs as parents include keeping our kids safe. If you friend or message my daughter, please respect the boundaries and realize its only ok (for this family) for an adult to friend a kid when you're also friends with at least one of the parents.

I don't get why this is so hard to understand.

First it was my mother in law.  She was sending her messages like crazy, after defriending me and hubs when she got mad at hubs.

Several random strangers try, but Char knows better than to let that happen and she blocks them and immediately tells us about it.

Now my SIL messaged Char several times to wish her a happy birthday and have conversations.  The same SIL that will not friend us because of whatever reason.

I blocked her from Char's page and she sent me a message asking why.

I told her it's our family rule and an attachment practice and that we don't allow her to communicate with adults unless it's somebody that communicates with us.  Her response: Whatever, your call, I only didn't friend you because of your hubs. Ummm, yeah, whatever!! 

I'll just leave that alone.

So, yes, I realize 2 of the ones mentioned are family.  Am I crazy for thinking they still shouldn't be communicating with her without our knowledge and that we come as a package deal?

If you're vindictive enough to write off family for silly stupid things, why would I trust you with my daughter? why would I assume you're communication will continue to be innocent? I know the path this can go down.

I don't need our child thinking it's normal to write off family. She's been rejected enough in her lifetime.  She needs to know that's not okay in our book.

eta: I ended up telling her I don't need our child thinking it's normal to write off family. She's been rejected enough in her lifetime.  She needs to know that's not okay in our book. When I said that a little while later, she responded that she understood and that I'm a good mother and she always knew I would be.  I hope she does and even more, I hope she can explain this to her mother, who doesn't get it. 

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

The Birthday Party

.....was AMAZING.

Char's baby sis showed up shortly after noon and Char showed her around the house and showed off the pool, trampoline and swing. Then they came in to eat.

After eating, they went outside and played and played until guests started arriving.

I love watching those girls together.  They are too cute together.

Char got "mad" at me (not truly mad, just a little fuss) because I helped S open her drink instead of letting Char do it. S came to me hungry even after cake and chips so we came in together to get her some raw veggies and dip.

They played hard on the trampoline, played with the pups (Lucifer even went for a swim together) and played in the pool even harder. At one point we had FOUR redheads in the pool at the same time. DH said "Acccck, I can't believe we have 4 redheads here at the same time".  S's therapist thought that was hilarious.

S behaved throughout it all and I hear she's been fine since the visit as well, which makes us very happy.  I was so proud of her. At the end, I could tell she was sad about leaving and normally I don't see that on her face at visits, but not a single behavior problem, just a hug and a goodbye.

While I was outside with the girls before the party started, DH was inside talking to S's therapist. S's therapist said S said she's not getting adopted by anybody until it can be us and that's just the way it is.

After everybody left, the BFF stayed the night. We just moved Char's bed in the playroom so they'd all have a place to sleep.  We upgraded to a full for Char and put the twin in the playroom, so no more on the couch for BFF.  Instead of separate beds, this is what I woke up to find....poor BFF rooted to the bottom by the dog.

Now, on to planning S's birthday.....we get to go down and take her out. Dreading the drive (almost 4 hours each way) but it'll be fun.

Last Names

Back during the school year, I asked Char Bear what her boyfriends last name was. She's known him for a year because that was the same boy that lived where she used to live.  Her response? "I don't know"

A couple other people...."what's their last name?" "I don't know"

I told her then not to "date" people and not even know their name. I didn't think much more about it.

Fast forward to this weekend.....getting ready to get Char to do thank you notes for her birthday party. One of the girls that came that she's been friends with all year...."I don't know what her last name is".

At first I shook my head but then this morning it hit me....

of COURSE it's not important to her. She thinks I'm being weird for asking about their last name. I was thinking she was being weird for not knowing, but she's not being weird at all.

After our last name being the 3rd last name she's had and all the trauma around families, of course the last name isn't what's important to her.

My baby really does make sense sometimes.

More on the birthday party shortly....