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Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Bullying isn't just for kids.....

Ready to share my story now.....

I've been with my prior company nearly 26 years. If I'd stayed until July, it'd have been 26 years.

I've had a great career, both professionally and personally rewarding and have had a lot of roles within the company.  A little over a year ago, I got realigned into another district.  That district manager and me did not click.

When I requested time off for our first long weekend home (Thanksgiving 2012) in the adoption process, he denied it and said I needed to be at the office, my numbers didn't support leaving the branch.  I explained the situation and sent his boss an e-mail outlining all the improvements made since I'd relocated to that branch, as well as the severity of the situation with my needing vs wanting the time off. The time was approved at that point.

It went downhill from there.

In February, I received a call from a competitor that is getting ready to expand into the area asking if I were interested in considering making a move and interviewing with them. I wasn't ready to make a move (or so I thought at that point), but thought it was worth listening to, I knew people there and it didn't hurt to see what other competitors were like.

In March, I flew to Atlanta for a second interview.  At that point, I knew I was leaving. I was just waiting for the date and going to put in my notice and work until the Friday before my new job started.

In March, I ended up 4th out of 9 managers in the district ranking. Was I happy with it? Obviously not.  Was it worth bullying me over? Nope!!

I was told that day things I'd never in my life heard a manager say. I was demeaned beyond what I'd been dealing with the past year.  Over the past year and a half, things had steadily gotten worse and I don't respond well to shame micro-managing.

A couple days later, it got even worse. At that point I was done. I sent my resignation then for 2 weeks, even though my new position wouldn't be starting until May.

He called and asked if I was sure I wanted to do that. I told him yes and he acted as if I were having a temper tantrum and didn't have a job. I told him I always have opportunities, not to worry about that. lol

His boss e-mailed a few days later "are you sure you want to do this? do you have a job?"

Really!? What's with these people assuming I'm a numbskull that doesn't even get a job first. I responded back that I wasn't having a temper tantrum and recent communication issues just escalated when I was leaving and I was secure in my decision.

Notice I didn't tell any of them where/when/whether I had a job. heehee!!!

NOT putting up with bullying any more.  If I tell my child not to put up with bullying, what message was I sending coming home upset over my boss cussing, being demeaning, etc.

and yes, I let HR know my reasons for leaving, in case they wish to prevent further turnover in that district. I'm manager #4 in 6 months to leave that worked for him (out of 9). I would think that would be telling.

Lead by example. That's for my former boss and for myself. I was worried about being perceived as a quitter, but I'm choosing to look at the problem solving portion and looking after my future.

In addition, the hours are better, more time for the baby!!!


More on the Bullying Incident

After kiddo got a day of in school suspension for rough housing with her friend, she went and expressed concern over the other girls constant punching. That girl got a warning.  Really?

Hubs and the principal really had it out.  The principal claimed they were just roughhousing and it wasn't bullying at all. Hubs told her even if it were true, and it clearly wasn't, if kiddo and her friend got ISS, why wouldn't this result in ISS. This is habitual.

2 broken bookbags, 2 broken shoes, lots of punching.

So, hubs called/emailed the resource officer. The principal was not happy about that, but as DH said, "well, would you be happy if your child was bullied and it wasn't handled?". The resource officer was very helpful and while they can't discipline, I think it'll probably shake up the kid enough and maybe the phone call home will help as well and kiddo not get bullied by this girl.

Kiddo had a major meltdown this morning, afraid she'd be considered a snitch and be the victim of worse bullying as a result. I think the resource officer helped with that and he made it very clear to her that us as parents are worried, rightfully and that this was the right thing to do and she's not snitching and can be discreet in how things are handled.

We're suppose to check in with the SRO (school resource officer) in a week and give him an update on whether any more bullying has occurred. In addition, the SRO is going to watch after kiddo a little bit and ensure nobody bugs her.  He had a daughter bullied when she was her age, so he's pretty passionate about it.

Wish us luck.....

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Easter Bunny

How old was your child when he/she quit believing in the Easter Bunny?

I think Kiddo already knew when she got here, but pretended to believe.  We admitted to Santa Claus after Christmas and explained the tradition and she just bounced off and said she knew because she got WAY more here than anywhere else and we spoil her, but she continues to talk about Santa (also admitted last family told her about Santa as well)

So, this was our second Easter. Kiddo got her weeks confused and the day before Palm Sunday she asked if she could open her gifts before we went to brunch the next day.  I told her it was the next week and she got the giggles.

She was thrilled with her Easter basket and said "That bunny spoils me so much, I'm rotten".  She is and she so deserves it. This year I got a cute letter from her.  Here's her basket. Did the bunny go overboard? I'm starting a new job, I'm going to miss Dollar Tree. I got Webkinz after Christmas there (duck and bunny) and saved them for Easter ($1 each at Dollar Tree, $5-$10 each at Amazon) and a ton of other goodies.



The I'm wrong and I say I never get anything, I jokingly said something at Christmas because she didn't see me open my stocking (which didn't have much in it, only enough to not raise a red flag) and I said "Oh, I never get gifts from Santa or Easter bunny, lol" so she made sure I got something....this and my favorite baby doll of hers, lol (since she doesn't play dolls now, I guess it was easy to give me the crazy Bonita that I think is so silly and cute looking)

Semi-Open Adoptions

We always said closed, closed, closed, no involvement whatsoever with the bios. After all, if they did enough damage that the kids had to be removed, we didn't want involved at all.

The exception would be involvement with siblings not with the bio family and maybe an occassional photo sent thru the agency to update them.

Our agency said with the last school photo that after S is adopted, they would no longer facilitate contact and we'd have to find new ways. I created a facebook page solely for bios. They are not safe to know where we live or where she's at, but kiddos's aunt is safe.  We just don't trust that it wouldn't accidentally get out and be unsafe in the future.

I've been corresponding with the aunt, no location, no hints, etc, but sent a couple pics and let her know that kiddo is okay. Her aunt obviously adores her and kiddo adores her aunt.

Of her past, while kiddo typically pretends she's been here forever, it's always been obvious that her cousin and aunt are the 2 people she misses still, so kiddo was very happy to find out they're safe and still love her and think about her.

I kept waiting for a backlash afraid it'd trigger something, but almost a month and nothing.  The bio mom doesn't have facebook anymore, so the aunt will provide me with address changes and I'll send yearly pics to her when we're out of town and the postmark doesn't narrow down where we're located.

I never thought I'd feel willing to talk to bios, but despite all the faults and problems, they did create this little angel and while part of my sending pics is compassion, it initially didn't start that way. The compassion developed later.  On some level, early on, any photos shared was because I wanted it on some level obvious that kiddo is doing well with us.

Migraines

We have a doctor appointment for the kiddo on Friday. It appears my child has developed migraines. It's in her birth family and her adoptive family and my poor kid has had headaches every month since she became a little lady.

We're on day 5 of headaches for her. I wasn't 100% sure it was migraines this time with all the drama, however, a trip to her therapist confirmed it's more likely migraines that just the middle school drama, although the drama can't be helping the situation.

I sure hope that her doctor does a better job with her than my past doctors have done with me.

Kiddo called from school twice this week. Once I answered and gave the okay for the school nurse to give her something for it. The second time, I wasn't near the phone and they didn't bother calling any other numbers and sent her back to class with nothing and kiddo said she thought they thought she was faking.

I remember the same thing in 6th grade and the doctor provided a note for my teacher for bathroom breaks and tylenol because after leaving class so many times the teacher also thought I was faking.

I feel for my poor baby.


Middle School Drama

Kiddo and a friend were rough housing and the other girl punched her in the stomach. They both ended up getting in school suspension after kiddo reported being punched.

Another girl, N, has been bullying kiddo off and on all year. She's broken 2 pair of her shoes running up behind her and stepping on the back of them and 2 bookbags, grabbing her handle and jerking her around.  We are JUST finding out that she's been bullied by this girl nearly all year and getting hit almost daily.

Needless to say, momma and daddy bear came out with claws and reported this to the principal. We know from kiddo's past that she can be aggressive towards others and has a history of fighting. The zero tolerance for fighting and her desire to be better now that she's with us has equated to a fear of standing up for herself and it's not working for us.

Oddly enough, this girl hasn't gotten any in school suspension or any discipline at all. The principal claims they were just playing?!

and yes, when her and R were playing and it got out of hand and kiddo reported it, they both got suspended. Now that N has been reported, neither do?

I don't get it.  I do get, however, why bullying continues to be a problem.

On another note, the hubs and I went to a great seminar today called "Raising a Non-Violent Child in a Violent World".  It was excellent and covered some anti-bullying techniques and hubs was given praise for his example of handling it.

Middle school was drama filled in my day, but wow, nothing like my baby endures.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Her House

So, the renters moved out this week.

In addition, the adjoining church had septic tank problems and had to cut down a ton of trees to replace it. Because their land adjoins ours, they came out to see if it was okay to be on our land when they were working and verify the property line.

Kiddo's response? They're cutting down MY trees!! The renters moved out without warning? How will you all spoil me without that money?! lol

Protecting her inheritance.

Speaking of inheritance, she knows the rental house used to belong to her grandma who died before she got here so she's never seen the inside of the house. She also knows Bonkers lived there and we inherited Bonkers from her grandma.

So....of course, she wanted to go exploring out there.

She kept saying to the pets "Let's go look at our 'inheritage'"  I asked her if she was trying to say heritage or inheritance. She asked me what the differerence was. I explained that heritage is slightly different and more about the traditions and what the items/memories mean because of our relationship and is there whether the person is dead or not, while inheritance is "Mommy and daddy died and left me this house".

Her eyes bugged out and she cracked up that she was getting those words tangled together.

She was totally impressed with the house and said she can't wait to live there when she grows up.  I hope she keeps that mentality. I'd like having her that close.

The funny part was when DH and I started walking home, she asked to stay out there on the porch swing and said "Hey Momma!! When I live out here we can yell back and forth from our porches to each other"

Why is that funny? Mom and I did that when she lived there, as did mom and DH.  Mom would also yell for Bonkers before bedtime and DH would yell back "I concur".

Hysterical!!