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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Summertime

Schools out as of Friday at noon.

kiddo's BFF came home with her and we went to a concert together to see .38 Special and out to eat. BFF spent the night.  It was her birthday weekend and a good celebration it was!!!

Started off summer with a bang!!

Monday, Kiddo's softball team had a cookout. kiddo was stressed because she couldn't find a friend to take with her and since her and her softball buddy had a big fight recently, she didn't feel she had a friend there.

I just knew it was going to result in a big temper tantrum.  We encouraged her to go join in with the rest of the girls regardless and she wasn't having it.  DH and I decided we'd take a short walk and told her she was welcome to go for a walk with us or if she preferred not, then if she wasn't with the team when we came back from our walk, we were headed home.

When we came back, of course she was laughing with her teammates and her and the buddy had made up.

Girls!! Middle School Drama!!! Always something!!

Today we got our ears pierced together. Kiddo was so nervous about it.  She'd never had them done so it was scary. Funny, she was fine with holding my hand on her turn but refused to hold my hand while I had them done, lol.  We both got our birthstones.

Now, it's planning for lots of sunshine, pool time, movies, etc this summer. What's on your summertime schedule?  Oh yeah, and visits with S.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Are we nuts?

After the comment about S fantasizing about us adopting her and it becoming more and more obvious that she regrets being separated from her sister, we decided to explore whether she should be with us.  We are obviously very scared about adopting her, giving her issues, but we're even more scared of NOT adopting her, when it seems so obvious that she needs her big sister.

So, my response to the case worker on S not being allowed to spend the night yet because of her fantasies...."if they could be together safely and her therapist thinks it makes sense, we'd be receptive to considering that".

or something to that effect......

The response I got: Thanks for this clarification, and for being open to the possibility of S joining your family. It would be wonderful if it becomes possible to do that, with neither child regressing in a dangerous or unhealthy manner.

I do see your point, that S's feelings about being together, and the girls' triggering each other's most severe behaviors, may no longer be the same as what it was almost 2 years ago. It is something we can explore, with S's therapist, so I will share your comments with her. I'll also share with _____, since she knows both girls and is helping us assess and recruit for S.  

Got this moments later

S’s therapist told me this morning that, while she doesn’t think S is ready for an overnight B-day visit with C right now, due to the med changes and how it’s affecting her, she does think it would be fine for S to spend the day with C if there’s a B-day party or activity of some kind. She’d do her best to find a FW staff who could bring S there (and who maybe would stay to supervise S) and bring her back afterward. So, let me or ______ know if you want to plan something like that.

Also forgot to mention that if you are open to possibility of adopting again, definitely keep your home study up-to-date. It’s more work if it expires than it is to just do standard annual renewal stuff

That" make sure you keep the home study up to date"....sounds very much possible that it'll go this way. I let her know pool party has already been planned.

Then: 
Ooooh, too bad it’s expired. That is a headache. Since it could take months, maybe you should go ahead and get it updated? Or if you don’t want to go through all that before meeting with me and _____ to discuss S and see her records, we could start there in case it causes you to decide to not go forward.  When a youth is ready for discharge from resi, we often only have about one month’s notice to move them. I suspect she could be moving in a few months, although not sure. Criminal record checks are now taking about 2 months to get processed, so that’s delaying factor! Until you guys have criminal and CPS record checks, we can’t even do overnight visits, if the longer day visits go well. Must have those first. If your agency is nervous about approving you for S, have them call or e-mail me so I can update them on her. Not sure it’ll end up being anything but visits at this point, but it’s good to be prepared.

I’ll let _____ know about the pool party, but you should also touch base with her soon to figure out any details between the two of you.

Then from her therapist:

I think it would be great if SM could attend the party.  She would be thrilled!!  I think I would have a staff member come early, if that's ok, so they can have some time without all of the other guests.  I don't want C to feel torn between being with S and spending time w/ her other guests and I don't want S to feel like she is in competition.  That way I can explain to her that she will have C to herself for sometime then guests will arrive.  Anyway, as it gets closer we can iron out the details and I am sure S would like to know of something that C wants for her bday

and then another e-mail afterwards asking if we'd be interested in coming and taking S out on her birthday.  

Checked on the home study thing to see if it could just be reinstated or anything or back to the beginning.  Some checking is being done to find out what can happen, but one of the workers that has worked with S and knows her challenges, but was also our attachment therapist for kiddo sent this to us:

This is both wonderful and crazy.

Please be diligent in pursuing it as an option, but at the same time, please be very cautious. I trust your hearts (and heads) and know in the end you will make the best decision for all of you. I will pray for an outcome that works. 

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

The baby sister....

My heart is hurting for S, Kiddo's baby sister.

She was 7 and kiddo was 10 when they were removed from their last adoptive home.  It was 2 years ago this month.

Kiddo was removed in May and sent to T (psych hospital) and H (residential center).  While there, it was determined that she wasn't the problem and rights were terminated from the adoptive family.  S was removed in July, as the claims of abuse were supported.

They had an overnight together and it didn't go well at all.

Shortly thereafter, S asked her sw for them to not be placed in the same home.

My thoughts this entire time is that her 7 year old minus emotional discrepancy brain either 1) saw their removal as kiddo's fault because she was removed first and then S removed later or else 2) manipulated into thinking it was kiddo's fault.  Nothing has been said like this, but for the past 1 1/2 years, I've felt this deep in my bones.

Since then, S has been in 8(?) homes, residential twice and continues to have escalating behaviors instead of decreasing behaviors and extreme anxiety over not seeing kiddo.

We asked to have S for a weekend when she's ready for a pass. We were told no, that she's not ready yet because of behaviors, and then I got the alarming and tear jerking e-mail that the "other" reason for not letting us have her for an overnight is that she's been fantasizing about being adopted by us and being back with her sister.

This breaks my heart so bad that I can't even express how sad I am for her.

After 19 months, she either sees that it wasn't C's fault or understands that Kiddo is the one person she's always been able to depend on and she doesn't have her all the time.

On a positive note, the fact that she fantasizes about adoption in any form is progress for her. A year ago, she said she never wanted another family, that families just let her down and she'd prefer to grow up in residential.  :(

The response to kiddo indicates she can form an attachment, so that's good for whoever her future family is, but I can't help but think of the severe issues she's been exhibiting and what provoked every time kiddo had an issue like that.  Every time kiddo had an issue like that, it stemmed from feeling undeserving.

In S's little brain, I can almost hear her thinking that she doesn't deserve a family and deliberately sabatoges it.

Please send good thoughts/prayers/whatever you do up for kiddo's baby sis for healing and a good family to be located for her.

Progress

I went out of town last week on business, I was gone Monday am at 6 am-Friday at 8 pm.  That was 2 1/2 days longer than the last business trip. Dreaded the inevitable meltdown from it.

She told Lucifer not to worry about my not coming back, that I would come back, but I figured that was her normal diversion and projecting her feelings through the animals.

She pounced on me upon my return with excitement.  To date NO lash back.

Also, Saturday we went to see her baby sis for a playdate.  Kiddo had that moment before then saying she still didn't get why we couldn't adopt S too, but she dropped it quickly and just seemed to enjoy her day.  Again, no lash back.

Yesterday, we picked her up early from school with a headache from that concussion (long story, but another trigger).  She had therapy yesterday afternoon and was officially released and diagnosed as being a normal 12 year old girl.

So proud of our baby girl!!!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Rock Concert

My 12 year old daughter and her bestie went to see Alice in Chains with my hubster last night.

How quick these kids grow up. Rock concert on a school night?

I'm traveling on business so I wasn't able to go.  I gave my ticket to Chars BFF. I hear they had an amazing time and BFFs mom says my hubs bought the girls matching t-shirts. He loves to spoil those girls and she's almost like another daughter that just doesn't live with us.

(Although she claims she's moving in this summer, lol)

BFF didn't spend the night this time because hubs thought it'd look weird for girls to spend the night while I'm out of town, but I'm sure they'll make up for it when I return.

Hope they can function at school today (yeah, blogging at 5 am).

I can't wait t

New Friends

I'm amazed daily in this new job.

Even the level of meeting friends is different. There are 5 people in our training class. 4 came from my prior company and 3 of us had over 20 years there.

We clicked quickly and the 3 of us (sometimes all 4) have spent so much time together, laughing and having fun. The burden has been lifted and we're so happy.  (FYI...we keep inviting the other one, but she's opted out)

I say this jokingly, but its almost like a cult...."come into the light." What is it about our new employer that drew us here? Why are we so insanely happy? It actually seems like these people care and want to do business the right way. Its so exciting to be here at this point in time.

The company has been in business for 18 years, hut only stand alone since last year. Profit and quality growth has been stellar and morale is high.

Excited for good things to come and more friendships formed.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

A week into the new job....

and I love it!!!

I thought it would be a little inconvenient that my training until my branch opens would be out of town, but they changed my hours until my branch opens to 9:30-4:30 so I'm home by the time I'd normally be home.

The people are great, the atmosphere and culture is just what I'm looking for and I can't believe how excited I am about this job.

All that said though, I'm travelling this week and have to leave my 'lil family for a whole week. Not crazy about that at all.  Last time I went on a business trip, all hell broke loose, with kiddo worried I was leaving her like so many before me have.

I hope we've worked through it enough to be okay, but I'm a little concerned because while I was packing and the puppy was curled up with my luggage, she was talking "for" the puppy and commenting on my leaving and she told him it wouldn't be forever.

Breaks my heart that she has to feel this pain and worry.

Mothers Day

Kiddo woke me up this morning.  DH told her to let me sleep in and she said "But, I gotta tell my mommy happy mothers day".

She comes in and says "Happy Mothers Day Momma, will you get up and fix me an egg sandwich?"

Crazy kid.

DH said "Mommy's sleeping babygirl".  She responds "But Momma, you gotta get up and open your gifts and read your card, oh wait....I haven't made your card yet, don't come in the living room"

That kid cracks me up.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Really? A Concussion?

As if all the bullying stuff at school weren't enough.....

for almost 2 weeks, kiddo has come home daily with a headache. She was in tears Monday from it hurting so bad, so I called and made a doctor appointment. They couldn't see her until today.

While we were in the doctor office, the doctor was asking various questions and it came out that she had an accident in gym class LAST Monday (the 21st).  The gym teacher apparently told her to "shake it off" and made her go back to playing kickball with the rest of the class.

The diagnosis? mild concussion.

I'm so ridiculously upset.

How does a child hurt their HEAD and nobody call the parents to inform them, at least to have them be on the lookout for danger signs. A concussion is serious. This could have been a really big deal.

No gym for the next 2 weeks, no softball, she has to miss the skating part of the skating party she was invited to tomorrow.  But I'm just MAD that nobody told us about her injury.

Kiddo apparently thought it was no point in telling us because the teacher didn't think it was a big deal. I'm not mad at her, although I did let her know even if a teacher tells her it's not a problem, to keep us informed on anything that happens during the day.  I'm furious with the teacher though.

Head injuries can be a big deal.

That school is getting to know us in the end of the school year.

They're being really bad about not being problem solvers.

Any tips? anybody else with similar situations? Feel free to share.