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Saturday, May 24, 2014

Are we nuts?

After the comment about S fantasizing about us adopting her and it becoming more and more obvious that she regrets being separated from her sister, we decided to explore whether she should be with us.  We are obviously very scared about adopting her, giving her issues, but we're even more scared of NOT adopting her, when it seems so obvious that she needs her big sister.

So, my response to the case worker on S not being allowed to spend the night yet because of her fantasies...."if they could be together safely and her therapist thinks it makes sense, we'd be receptive to considering that".

or something to that effect......

The response I got: Thanks for this clarification, and for being open to the possibility of S joining your family. It would be wonderful if it becomes possible to do that, with neither child regressing in a dangerous or unhealthy manner.

I do see your point, that S's feelings about being together, and the girls' triggering each other's most severe behaviors, may no longer be the same as what it was almost 2 years ago. It is something we can explore, with S's therapist, so I will share your comments with her. I'll also share with _____, since she knows both girls and is helping us assess and recruit for S.  

Got this moments later

S’s therapist told me this morning that, while she doesn’t think S is ready for an overnight B-day visit with C right now, due to the med changes and how it’s affecting her, she does think it would be fine for S to spend the day with C if there’s a B-day party or activity of some kind. She’d do her best to find a FW staff who could bring S there (and who maybe would stay to supervise S) and bring her back afterward. So, let me or ______ know if you want to plan something like that.

Also forgot to mention that if you are open to possibility of adopting again, definitely keep your home study up-to-date. It’s more work if it expires than it is to just do standard annual renewal stuff

That" make sure you keep the home study up to date"....sounds very much possible that it'll go this way. I let her know pool party has already been planned.

Then: 
Ooooh, too bad it’s expired. That is a headache. Since it could take months, maybe you should go ahead and get it updated? Or if you don’t want to go through all that before meeting with me and _____ to discuss S and see her records, we could start there in case it causes you to decide to not go forward.  When a youth is ready for discharge from resi, we often only have about one month’s notice to move them. I suspect she could be moving in a few months, although not sure. Criminal record checks are now taking about 2 months to get processed, so that’s delaying factor! Until you guys have criminal and CPS record checks, we can’t even do overnight visits, if the longer day visits go well. Must have those first. If your agency is nervous about approving you for S, have them call or e-mail me so I can update them on her. Not sure it’ll end up being anything but visits at this point, but it’s good to be prepared.

I’ll let _____ know about the pool party, but you should also touch base with her soon to figure out any details between the two of you.

Then from her therapist:

I think it would be great if SM could attend the party.  She would be thrilled!!  I think I would have a staff member come early, if that's ok, so they can have some time without all of the other guests.  I don't want C to feel torn between being with S and spending time w/ her other guests and I don't want S to feel like she is in competition.  That way I can explain to her that she will have C to herself for sometime then guests will arrive.  Anyway, as it gets closer we can iron out the details and I am sure S would like to know of something that C wants for her bday

and then another e-mail afterwards asking if we'd be interested in coming and taking S out on her birthday.  

Checked on the home study thing to see if it could just be reinstated or anything or back to the beginning.  Some checking is being done to find out what can happen, but one of the workers that has worked with S and knows her challenges, but was also our attachment therapist for kiddo sent this to us:

This is both wonderful and crazy.

Please be diligent in pursuing it as an option, but at the same time, please be very cautious. I trust your hearts (and heads) and know in the end you will make the best decision for all of you. I will pray for an outcome that works. 

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