The baby sister....

My heart is hurting for S, Kiddo's baby sister.

She was 7 and kiddo was 10 when they were removed from their last adoptive home.  It was 2 years ago this month.

Kiddo was removed in May and sent to T (psych hospital) and H (residential center).  While there, it was determined that she wasn't the problem and rights were terminated from the adoptive family.  S was removed in July, as the claims of abuse were supported.

They had an overnight together and it didn't go well at all.

Shortly thereafter, S asked her sw for them to not be placed in the same home.

My thoughts this entire time is that her 7 year old minus emotional discrepancy brain either 1) saw their removal as kiddo's fault because she was removed first and then S removed later or else 2) manipulated into thinking it was kiddo's fault.  Nothing has been said like this, but for the past 1 1/2 years, I've felt this deep in my bones.

Since then, S has been in 8(?) homes, residential twice and continues to have escalating behaviors instead of decreasing behaviors and extreme anxiety over not seeing kiddo.

We asked to have S for a weekend when she's ready for a pass. We were told no, that she's not ready yet because of behaviors, and then I got the alarming and tear jerking e-mail that the "other" reason for not letting us have her for an overnight is that she's been fantasizing about being adopted by us and being back with her sister.

This breaks my heart so bad that I can't even express how sad I am for her.

After 19 months, she either sees that it wasn't C's fault or understands that Kiddo is the one person she's always been able to depend on and she doesn't have her all the time.

On a positive note, the fact that she fantasizes about adoption in any form is progress for her. A year ago, she said she never wanted another family, that families just let her down and she'd prefer to grow up in residential.  :(

The response to kiddo indicates she can form an attachment, so that's good for whoever her future family is, but I can't help but think of the severe issues she's been exhibiting and what provoked every time kiddo had an issue like that.  Every time kiddo had an issue like that, it stemmed from feeling undeserving.

In S's little brain, I can almost hear her thinking that she doesn't deserve a family and deliberately sabatoges it.

Please send good thoughts/prayers/whatever you do up for kiddo's baby sis for healing and a good family to be located for her.