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Saturday, February 22, 2014

The Need Behind The Behaviors

Sometimes behaviors seem so weird and random and/or seem like something totally different than what it is.

This morning was a prime example and then another this afternoon, oddly enough.

C has a BAD habit of getting out of the shower, and bringing 90% of her clothes into the room we're in before dressing and also has a bad habit of leaving the car door open if she runs back inside to grab something for her or us when we're getting ready to leave.

We got to the bottom of BOTH of those this week.

Car door, honestly, we thought was laziness. It turns out she does that because it makes it less likely we can leave her before she gets back outside. We'd have to get out of the car, shut the door, get back in and by that time, normally she'd be back. This was she feels safer, knowing we can't leave her.

Dressing, not sure what we thought, our thoughts change from time to time on that. We continue to tell her it's not appropriate to be partially (or fully of course, although that's not an issue) in front of people and trying to get her to dress by herself.  It's not about the dressing. Today it clicked.

She said "Daddy, it doesn't matter if you see my bra, you're my daddy, you wouldn't do anything to me".

I get it now. It's safety. She finally confessed after a few questions once I got it.  By doing this in front of us and she continues to see nothing happens, it builds her safety net, and builds her confidence. It's control and she controls the lack of abuse by proving it doesn't happen and somehow these weird things are just helping her feel safe.


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