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Thursday, September 4, 2014

Home Study Time

reopening home study and getting background checks redone, medical, etc and social worker will be calling soon to schedule coming out to talk to all of us on our reevaluation.

So nervous.

We got an e-mail to go ahead and proceed, because worst case scenario we've done this for nothing, but this way we'll be ready in case S becomes ready to be a family girl in our family.  If she gets ready, we'll be ready and not have to start over.  If she doesn't, then we can always go inactive again.

So nervous.

and have I said I'm really nervous?!

I can't imagine life with 2.  I want her here if they need to be together. If they shouldn't be together, I want things like they are. I'm so scared.

I can't do this blog justice because I can't even form a coherent thought.

For those that have been there, done that, how was the transition going to a second?

S says she's not getting adopted by anybody but us, which makes me believe that maybe she'll do the work to make this work, but what if she's the terror that she is with others and it's harder.

If it's worse than we imagine, and she's full blown rad instead of the issues we know about, we're screwed because once she's here, there is no going back regardless of why, because of the damage that it would do to kiddo, not to mention baby S.

S was only 4 when they were removed from the bios and 7 when removed from the first adoptive family, so she can't verbalize her stress as well and it comes out in behaviors. I have to remember that, but it's tough.

Imagine if you were taken away from all your family for something you didn't do, just to be put in a home with strangers. I can't imagine what that's like and I'm sure my behaviors wouldn't have been good either.

Imagine not being in a permanent family and not knowing what tomorrow will bring.

I keep thinking I KNOW deep down that S would be better off for it to be here, at the same time, if things were to never get better, will we be okay as a family unit or will I end up in the funny farm?

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