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Friday, August 1, 2014

Trauma or not?

Ugh!! Just when things are going so great.

We had an AMAZING time at the beach. No meltdowns, lots of family fun.

On the way to and from, I let kiddo use my phone to play games and text her friends.  When we got home, I spot checked and her little "boyfriend" had sent her inappropriate messages on facebook and she let him and responded semi-favorably.

I was not a happy mommy. I remained calm and her, daddy and I talked it through and took away her facebook and made it very clear no using my phone during trips since she's willing to do that on my phone.

She said "But I wasn't going to do anything".  My response? If you can't tell a boy no in text, then there is no way you'd have been able to say no if confronted in person.  Texting is the easy way out and this is so concerning.

We went to therapy and her therapist said she was very pleased with how kiddo presented herself about that during therapy and that she understands well.

I was talking to a friend who said her daughter had those issues at that age too, which made me question whether it's normal insecure teenager behavior or whether it's the trauma child coming out.

I got my answer later.  We're going this weekend to see kiddo's baby sister and it's our first unsupervised visit. Normally they prefer her sis have somebody there to de-escalate her behaviors if she goes off the wall, but they asked if we were comfortable handling her and gave us the okay to have time with her without strangers present.  Then we were told to keep close line of sight supervision because of an inappropriate touching incident.

Traumaversary? Coincidence?

It breaks my heart what these girls have been through.  I hope and pray they will both one day heal. I see constant progress with babygirl, but then the occassional step back makes me worry that she'll always have those lingering issues.

My biggest fear is that she'll make bad decisions and put her kids in the same boat she was in in her early childhood and that breaks my heart to wonder whether we have enough time to help her truly heal and have a healthy relationship.

On another note, at what age do you start your girls on birth control? She's nowhere near dating yet in real life, just lunch table stuff, but this girl is not going to date until I think she can say no, but to be safe, birth control will be in her future at that point too.  Call me crazy.

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