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Sunday, February 21, 2016

Three Little Words

Ashley Rhodes-Courter wrote an amazing book that I just read yesterday.  Three Little Words.

Nope, the three little words aren't what you're thinking.

I couldn't put the book down.  A very fast read, but very inspirational insight into life as a foster child.

It was good on several levels, but I also saw so much of my daughter and her sister in this book.  The author writes about her journey in foster care and adoption, as well as a little about her younger brothers journey.  So many similiarities and I felt so much.

I can't even imagine the pain of a foster child, going through so much of the childhood on broken promises from the bio families, not knowing when/if you'll ever be home, so many that go through so many placements, the blame game and wondering why you're not good enough  (when it's not that at all), the uncertainty, the actual liking of an institution because it's safe, not being sure you'll be fed, not getting to keep your belongings from one place to another, the lost relationships, the fear of new places and learning new rules constantly, the worry over your sibling(s) and wondering if they'll ever be happy and have a forever home, the conflict of wanting to know how the bios are, combined with perhaps never wanting to even see them again, the survivors guilt of having your own family and finally being attached, even if insecurely and the hyper vigilance you develop and not being able to relax.

The writer speaks of finding the need behind the behavior, not her exact words, but it's so evident that if something is going on, you should find out what the cause is, not just lay blame.  I hurt for how much pain my child (and others) have been through. I can't understand why a parent wouldn't get how hard it is to go through this and not understand why/how it could take time to build that healthy attachment.  Our family is attached, but it's not an immediate action, it's something that develops with time.  How can one trust somebody immediately when everybody up to that point has let them down.

Everybody understands when somebody is grieving after a death, but so few understand why somebody grieves with losing somebody over and over again, even though it's not through death.  I don't see how somebody can not understand.

It only takes one to make a difference though. Be the difference!!

Ashley overcame so much and to have made such an impact is inspiring.

I can't wait to read the sequel.

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