2 years, 4 months, 16 days

That's how long our baby has lived with us now.

So hard to believe it's been that long in some ways, so hard to believe it's been that little time other ways.

We love this child to the moon and back and it's hard to remember there was ever a time without her in our lives.  It was love at first sight.

That said, there have been some hard times, but every step has been so worth it.

Why am I reminiscing and thinking about how recent her move really is?

Kiddo had an extreme anxiety attack last night, such extremes that her leg cramped up from the tension and she wasn't able to move from the waist down for about 40 minutes. It was very scary.

I knew she had an anxiety attack when we were waiting on the ambulance, but I thought the anxiety attack was because of the paralysis, not vice versa.

The paramedics were great with her, I rode in the ambulance and by the time we got there, she was pretty calm.

They still ran some tests though and it was a 5 hour trip to the ER, resulting in grouchy family and getting home at nearly 1 am.

I wish so bad I could help her anxiety.  As far as she's come, it stuns me when this happens and it really shouldn't.  She was with her bio family for right at 7 years (being abused probably 4+ of those years), she was with her abusive first adoptive placement 2 1/2 years.  So any family she's been with that abused her were the only longer placements than us.  Her non abusive ones were shorter, of course she still has extreme anxiety.

One of the paramedics though commended me on how I was trying to handle the situation while waiting as we talked about what was going on preceding the call.

so scary though and I'm one exhausted momma!!

(and today we got bad news on the little sis, so now I'm wondering if they triggered each other Sunday or if it's because it's so close to traumaversary time)