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Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Big Feelings

I picked up on this, but didn't bring it to kiddo's attention because I didn't want her feeling guilty or backtracking, I wanted her pure honest thoughts.

When asking what was wrong Sunday night, she said she's worried this new family may give up on S like all the others did.  I thought it was interesting that she didn't say "I'm upset that S is not moving in with us"

We went to therapy Monday night and kiddo put her legs on me and just wanted to be all over me during the session and trying to divert.

Eventually though, with pieces here and there, her therapist says after asking about her guilt "I wonder if you also kinda like having momma and daddy to yourself". She admitted that she thought she'd struggle sharing us and the furkids.

The therapist led her to the answers to realize that she need not feel guilty about those feelings, that it didn't contribute to us not adopting S, that that wasn't in her control.  Her feelings are just that, feelings.

So, whether right or wrong, I confessed to her....when we were considering adopting S, I was feeling a little twinge of "I dont want to share my baby" either.  I love our closeness and I was fearful that the family dynamics would change with another child, yet, I was willing and wanted to do whatever was best for both girls and would embrace our new reality should it become sensible to go that route.

Kiddos reaction...."MOMMA!!!" and laughter!!

I think she secretly enjoyed knowing I wanted her to be my baby.

Things have been pretty good since, but wondering what tonight will bring.

Even though we withdrew our request for adopting S awhile back, our fear is that families will continue to struggle with her, so we're renewing our foster care/adopt license so that we can be a resource for S's new family and take her overnight or weekends before their adoption is final and give everybody a break.

This may trigger some big feelings. We will get through them though.

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