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Sunday, January 29, 2012

Open Book Test

The Lord tests the righteous ~Psalm 11:5

I have a dear friend that is battling her mom going through cancer and I remember the trials of going through that with my own mother. Her faith just seems so unshaken. I'm humbled by her faith and feel guilty that I struggle with having faith that we'll ever find our child.

I have another dear friend that is battling watching her own child with depression.

All around me, I have strong friends with constant faith and I think at times, their faith helps me keep my faith. 

Life is so easy when you're up on the mountain.  I would just love to see that mountain again. Occassionally, some spark of hope will shine thru the trees and I realize I'm not alone. 

Over the past week, I've had numerous frustrations with the adoption journey. I found out one of the cuties we requested consideration of, our home study never got sent. I don't understand how this happens.  I haven't wanted to vent to my friends much, because as I said above, they have pretty serious issues to deal with themselves. This journey has been going on 3 years, I'm sure I can see them through this journey and THEN still have time to vent.

But back to this open book test--Proverbs tells us the refining is to remove the impurities from the metal and God is testing us to make us stronger, exercising muscles that wouldn't get stronger if we only lifted 5 lb weights. I can't help but think by the time we find our child, with this much refining, firing and training, he's either preparing us for a challenging child or we'll be the greatest parents ever. Why do I think challenging child is probably the  That's okay though, it's where our heart is. 

The larger the task ahead, the bigger test that is required now. Not to hurt us, but because He doesn't want us in a position where we can't handle it.  It's so hard not to think of it as punishment though.  How often over the many years of marriage have I wondered why I'm being punished and want to be a good mommy and never have had our miracle to us after so many years. 

If only I could remember to walk by faith constantly, not just now and again.

Husband and I were talking the other day that if Princess Redhead doesn't work out for us, we may as well give up, because we've had glaring evidence that things are working against us.  On the other hand though, would God have put this desire here and not answer it.  If only I could decode this open book test.


  1. you know we are here for you, even with our own struggles. (think about what YOU would and have told us when we've made comments like "i don't want to bring you down"). don't be afraid to share your hurts with us, my friend. love ya.

  2. Hello! I know you don't know me, and I am not sure how I just "happened" upon your blog...however, I know how my Lord works in my life and i'm sure this is yet another way! We are just beginning our adoption journey, and I have experienced so many emotions and fears in the last couple of months. I sometimes feel like the cards are stacked against us. BUT, I KNOW that God is the one who prepared our hearts and our minds for a child. He has been faithful before and he will be faithful again. Please do not give up! I will keep you in my prayers and if there is anything I can do to encourage you, please let me know!

    1. Thank you and good luck on your journey.....keep me posted. I'll keep you in my prayers as well

    2. Thank you and good luck on your journey.....keep me posted. I'll keep you in my prayers as well