The Lord tests the righteous ~Psalm 11:5
I have a dear friend that is battling her mom going through cancer and I remember the trials of going through that with my own mother. Her faith just seems so unshaken. I'm humbled by her faith and feel guilty that I struggle with having faith that we'll ever find our child.
I have another dear friend that is battling watching her own child with depression.
All around me, I have strong friends with constant faith and I think at times, their faith helps me keep my faith.
Life is so easy when you're up on the mountain. I would just love to see that mountain again. Occassionally, some spark of hope will shine thru the trees and I realize I'm not alone.
Over the past week, I've had numerous frustrations with the adoption journey. I found out one of the cuties we requested consideration of, our home study never got sent. I don't understand how this happens. I haven't wanted to vent to my friends much, because as I said above, they have pretty serious issues to deal with themselves. This journey has been going on 3 years, I'm sure I can see them through this journey and THEN still have time to vent.
But back to this open book test--Proverbs tells us the refining is to remove the impurities from the metal and God is testing us to make us stronger, exercising muscles that wouldn't get stronger if we only lifted 5 lb weights. I can't help but think by the time we find our child, with this much refining, firing and training, he's either preparing us for a challenging child or we'll be the greatest parents ever. Why do I think challenging child is probably the answer....lol. That's okay though, it's where our heart is.
The larger the task ahead, the bigger test that is required now. Not to hurt us, but because He doesn't want us in a position where we can't handle it. It's so hard not to think of it as punishment though. How often over the many years of marriage have I wondered why I'm being punished and want to be a good mommy and never have had our miracle to us after so many years.
If only I could remember to walk by faith constantly, not just now and again.
Husband and I were talking the other day that if Princess Redhead doesn't work out for us, we may as well give up, because we've had glaring evidence that things are working against us. On the other hand though, would God have put this desire here and not answer it. If only I could decode this open book test.