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Thursday, October 29, 2015

Anxiety and Siblings

the family that wants to be baby sis's parents contacted us yesterday and said that they've been denied the opportunity to have her back.  They are devastated, as are we.  We actually think they were well suited for her. One of the few willing to put up with her crap and not give up on her.

It got me to thinking about how rough things were for baby sis while she was staying with them and wondering why she was going so crazy, when it was pretty obvious that she actually liked that family. They are the only family she's stayed in contact with while in residential.

I also realized that some of our most challenging times were while baby sis was with them too.


I'm thinking it was the sibling visits.

They've been separated since May 2012.

They had a visit in fall of 2012.

In 2013, they saw each other April, June, November and December.

In 2014, they saw each other March, May, June, August, October, November and December.

In 2015, they saw each other in February, April and May.

That family entered the picture in October of 2015.

January-April was really rough for our family.  Kiddo really started turning arond in May and has been at her best since May and at her worst January-April.

I can't help but wonder if they triggered each other so bad, that's why both of them have had their worst behaviors in ages early this year.

In August, just the mention of baby sis and kiddo asked to not have to talk on the phone with her yet. I asked kiddo to tell me when she's ready for calls and/or visits. To date, she hasn't requested anything.

Kiddo has been better than she ever was since May. We've had the calmest 6 months since our family has been established.  Coincidence or because we told her she's allowed to control the frequency of visits?

Trauma Bonds are exhausting and heartbreaking.

I love both of these girls dearly and I just wish they could both be happy and well adjusted. I think ours is on her way there.

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