2 for 1?

So over the past few weeks, we've really been doing our research, reaching out to the local DSS and putting our ducks in a row to switch to locally fostering to adopt.

Finally on Friday, I broke the news to our agency that we're considering this (we waited until we knew whether it was a viable option, because we didn't want it screwing us up).  Within a couple hours I got an e-mail asking us to come meet with them in person to discuss this.  None of these meetings have ever went well and gotten anything accomplished so I didn't bother responding.

Shortly thereafter, I got an e-mail asking if we'd be interested in a sibling set of 2 girls....11 and 7.  Heck yeah!!

Scary, because really we always sad one, but I think 2 would be great!

I can't help but wonder though, it's this a straw they're grasping at to ensure we don't leave our current agency and tell others about our experiences, is it a stall tactic to buy them time to figure it out or will they really try to push this set through and us finally become parents?

I hate that I second guess motives when it comes to adoption.  These poor kids need advocates to help them have homes in a timely manner, not lollygag.  If we're frustrated, how much more frustrated is our future child, going through their side of this.

Our home study has been submitted, now the waiting begins once again!

Fear is my worst enemy

yeah, so we finally made the decision to foster locally. After finding out what we need to do, so mny fears crop up. They basically said it should be an easy transition, all we need to do is contact our current agency and have them send our info in, they'll review and add or enhance to it.

Easy? Sure, except when you feel like you've been beat up on and not sure if it's apathy, incompetence or personality conflict that has caused the issues to begin with.

My fear is that we'll terminate our curret agency and the new one will not pick us . DH says not to worry, the likelihood in this area is a slim to none that we'd get turned down and that realistically, what harm could come from it....it's not like we can get worse results.

so, yea, there you go, not rational, but anxiety level is thru the roof.

So worried that our one match will come up in between termination and approval, that our current agency will put forth road blocks, that we'll have to start from ground zero, etc. 

I can't even put it in words what all I'm feeling. I hate when I can't even get it in writing where my brain is.

If only....

If only I had a crystal ball

I'd love to know what the future holds and whether we're on the right path or not.

I keep thinking God wouldn't give us the desire to adopt a child from foster care if He didn't want us to have one and if He didn't intend to one day fill that dream for us.

But what if we're not going about it exactly the right way. After months of considering just calling it quits, we've decided maybe it's worth the risk and heartbreak and we should just foster until that right one comes along.  After seeing so many foster parents adopt the child and them never end up available to those waiting, maybe we should be the first line of defense in this journey instead of waiting.

Exploring......can't wait to find out what this brings us.  We always said we could never just foster because we'd hate to give up the kid after falling in love, but after having to give up Cupcake H thru no fault f our own, if we could survive that pain, we can survive pain to achieve a gain.

Maybe we'll touch a few lives in the process at a minimum, at best we'll touch some lives and find our forever child.