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Sunday, October 20, 2013

the pre-adopt jitters

Kiddo is back to her binging. She said she's worried that M (her SW) will change her mind at the last minute.  I'm pretty sure that's not what she's worried about, but I told her at this late date 1) M can NOT change her mind, papers have already been sent to judge approving it, but in addition to that 2) that WE couldn't even change our mind at this point (not that we'd want to) and to talk to us instead of sneaking in the kitchen after night.

It was a big trigger for her daddy since they have a similar background, but fortunately he was pretty calm.  We talked thru it, left it alone and went back to it later. We came up with a solution together that when she does that, she has to pay us back twice what the item cost from her allowance that week if it wasn't in "her" drawer of stuff that was put together.  1) paying twice will hopefully make her think about it before she acts and 2) most importantly, thinking about it will give her time to think of another coping skill that she can use instead of an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Her file says her last family put locks on the fridge. We are dead set against that, but laying in bed, we were brainstorming and decided we'll put a baby monitor in the kitchen. That way we can hear when she sneaks into the kitchen at night and one of us can get up and comfort her without her needing to take our meals.

We continue to not have the right ingredients for a full meal and eat very odd combinations because of her hoarding and binging.  There is always plenty of food, but our plans change last second way too often because of food missing.

I wish so bad that our baby didn't struggle so much with that.  I want her to be able to remember that she's out of her past situations and it's not going to be repeated.  I know there is nothing that can be "said" to make her know that and only time and appropriate interventions can help her heal from this.  Still though....would totally love to wave a magic wand and make things all better for her.

I think this is perplexing to me because I can't resolve my own eating issues, how will I ever help her with her eating issues? I said I couldn't figure out where mine came from, since I had a healthy, happy childhood, but my husband hit the nail on the head and figured it out.  We all have scars I suppose.


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