One More Loss

Adoption comes out of loss. 

We only have our daughter because she was removed from her first parents.  Despite that things weren't perfect, they were her parents, she loved them and in their own unhealthy ways, they loved her. How could they not?

As she went into foster care, there was so much emotion for her to deal with, so much loss and grief to deal with.  She'd one day move to another home, be adopted, and get disrupted again, losing yet another set of parents.

4 1/2 years after being removed from her birth home, she'd move in with us and it would take many years before she'd start feeling safe and know that we were in it forever and that forever wasn't just a word people said.

12 days short of 6 years from the day she moved in, our little girl, who's 17 and so grown, would wake me up to tell me she couldn't sleep.  Restless, she finally headed back to bed to attempt to get back to sleep.  A night full of restlessness, I was checking my phone and saw I had a message.

Her birthmom messaged and said "message me back ASAP. It's important".  I felt that sinking feeling knowing something had happened.

Kiddos birthdad had just passed away about 30 minutes prior to that.  Coincidentally, about the time kiddo had entered my room to tell me she couldn't sleep.

It had been 8 years since she had seen him and I knew that despite the time, despite the love for us, that this would not be an easy conversation.

Putting it off as long as possible that next morning during our Saturday morning ritual of cuddling with the pups, I finally told her.

She was devastated.

She laid on me and let me just rub her hair and tell her I love her.

As her tears flowed, all I could think about was "why? why does my baby have to go thru so many heartbreaks in her lifetime?"

She will go thru the loss of parents so many times in her life.

She lost both birth parents once when she was removed.
She lost her first set of adoptive parents when the adoption was dissolved.
She lost her birth father through death.
One day she'll lose her birth mom through death.
One day she'll lost us through death.

Why? Why does my baby have to be subjected to so much pain in her short life thru far?  Why does she have so much pain ahead of her?

Not only does she have so much loss and grief, but somehow because she's adopted, the past isn't suppose to matter, she doesn't have the same support others have when they lose somebody.  People don't get her pain the way she deserves to have people understand her.

I'm so glad she knows it's safe to talk to us, but I do wish more understood that a kind word, a gentle encouragement, something is better than ignoring her pain. 

Past life......

When kiddo turned 13, her prior adoptive parents sent a gift and a letter.  We let her have gifts, but always put the letters in a file for when she's older and ready to tackle that.  She does know that we have them, however, and that she can ask when and if she ever gets ready for them.  Sometimes she just asks if there is anything in the letter that she'd want to know.

That was 2014.

The letter was addressed to "kiddo PRIOR last name".  We sent a letter that gifts and letters weren't necessary, but that if they felt the need to send them, to please NOT use their last name.

Over 3 years later before we heard from them again.  Last week we received a letter (sent thru DSS).

The letter was addressed to "Kiddo RANDOM last name".  I thought  I'd die.
Too funny.  Kiddo thought so too.

They were kind enough to send her pics of their dog (hers previously) finally.  They also sent a pic of themselves.  She took the dog pictures and asked if she could cut their picture to pieces.  I'm guessing she's not ready to deal with them.

Her grandfather when she was with them recently passed away.  I always worry about loss and grief effects on the trauma brain, even if it's not somebody she's currently close with.  One of her best friends mom was just diagnosed with cancer and that's scary to watch as well.  Every loss brings back feelings of loss and all that she's been through.

This week we heard from bio aunt.

Kiddos biological mom is in ICU, stroke and blood clot on the brain.

We let her know what was up.

She was very concerned about that happening to her one day.  We had a good talk about genetics and environment and how lives are a mix of both.  Pretty sure at least part of the concern was for the 1st mom, although she'll never admit it.

I know she means it when she says she has no desire to see her, but I also know that she cares about her.

Hopefully all this will not turn her too wonky.

Emotionally Charged Election and Adoption

I've cried myself silly over the election results.  I went to bed a little before midnight thinking it was sounding like it'd be forever.  I had nightmares til 2:30 am, when I woke up.  I laid there worried and finally got up to check the results.

I cried and cried and cried and never got back to sleep that night.

The next morning kiddo got up and asked who won and we told her.  She was stunned and said "who votes for a child molester?" My heart hurts for her that this is her future being messed with.  My heart hurts for early sexual abuse victims and the slap in the face it is.  My heart hurts for every non-white person out there and for every woman.

A friend of mine that adopted a beautiful "brown girl" (partially hispanic) posted that her daughter was full of anxiety over it, scared she'd be send to Mexico.

I posted on facebook that I was sad reading that.  Shortly thereafter, I found out two mothers of other "brown children" (AA" had similar stories to share)

You'd think people would be supportive.

WOW!! Just Wow!!

I've been torn up ever since. The bad thing was not only about election results, but about finding out people in my circle don't see a problem with this?!

I was accused of calling people racist because I said no child should have to worry about being ripped from their families because of racism and hatred.

Any sane person realizes that the only people I referred to as racist are the ones making these comments.  Anybody that thinks they're called a racist either misread because it's against their guy or has a guilty conscience.

However, when a child has somebody walk up to them and said "I hope Trump wins so you'll be sent back to Africa with the rest of the N***", yeah, I call that racism and hatred.

When a child thinks they're being deported because of the color of their skin, yeah, that's racism and hatred.

I call racists racist.

It offends me that I was heartbroken over a friends personal situation and the response wasn't of comfort, but to slam me, to slam that family, etc.

We have a personal responsibility to be a light in a dark world.

Blaming the mother or family for the child's fear is counterproductive.  It's not the family putting this fear in our kids.  Yeah, it's up to us to pick up the pieces, but anybody dealing with anxiety issues knows it's more complicated than the mom saying "it's okay" and moving on.

Add trauma, PTSD and other things to mix, it's a long journey and alot of people will need time to heal from this.

The number of sexual abuse victims that were triggered by things Trump said on TV, the memories, the PTSD, in addition to those real fears because of things said.

Why isn't it obvious that the appearance for a lot of people is that this bullying is the new norm?

People were quoting laws to support why these fears were silly, instead of looking at what was said during the campaign.  Yes, we have laws that protect adopted children.  However, Trump did say he disagreed with the anchor baby law, the perception of the 14th amendment and the entire immigrant situation.

If he wants to overturn the 14th amendment, naturally many of our adopted children are going to be fearful.  Most of the kids that have been adopted have limited, if any, knowledge of their history.  Anytime a question was asked during his speeches, he evaded the answers. How would anybody know if there were exceptions if he doesn't clarify. Of course our children are scared. I'm scared too. I do believe that there is no way that part would get overturned and these beautiful babies are going NOWHERE, but I'm scared of the hatred and fear that this has generated.  I'm scared of my childs future. I'm scared of the message this is sending to the world.

I wonder if the result of the election would be different if everybody had kept an open mind and actually LISTENED to the journey instead of deciding who to vote for based on party.

Why do I think many didn't listen?

Well, partially because of the result and I like to think that most people are better than the hatred and racism we're seeing.

However, another reason is the number of people that claimed they voted for Trump because they're a Christian.

Most because of the abortion issue ONLY.  The thing is Trump has always been pro-choice until he decided to run. I guess it's possible he changed his mind before running, but I think it's very unlikely. I think he put that as part of his platform to win only.

What the heck? You voted Trump because you're a Christian?

Does not compute. (and don't even get me started on how offensive I find it that several have said if you're a Christian, you would have voted for Trump, don't even pretend you know what others hearts are like)

As a friends son said.....

And Jesus said "build a wall and keep everybody that's not like you out, bomb the s*** out of them, Make fun of the disabled, disrespect women and lastly be sure to deprive people of their human rights."
-Two Corinthians

His boyfriend responded with:

Absolutely, then he ran his fingers through his blonde hair and blinked his bright blue eyes.

The Foster World

It's so annoying to find somebody in the foster world that just doesn't get it and doesn't put the kids first.  It's really annoying when they say something out of line and they have no idea you adopted out of foster care. It's even worse when it's a customer and you have to choose between keeping your job and letting them have it.

I said a few things without crossing any lines, but there was so much more I wanted to say.

A customer of mine said he'd went to training and was considering opening a residential facility local. In the next breath, he talked about being late because he didn't have a full foster payment because he'd just disrupted on the boy he'd had for awhile.

He said the paperwork was unreal and I'd be shocked to know how much was involved in foster care. I told him then I adopted from foster care, so yeah, I had a pretty good idea.

It went from bad to worse.

It's been 2 weeks and I'm still fuming.

He said he was considering adopting this boy that's been with him, but he was acting out so bad since TPR happened and he just couldn't do it. The boy was having sex, begging him to drive him to see girlfriend, not turning loose of his phone and he just couldn't do it.

I said "Poor guy, he's probably been feeling some pretty big anxiety about all that".

He said I didn't get it and obviously I got a "good child", not the problem kids he always has gotten.  He said he was really tired of social workers not telling the whole picture.  I get that part, but his thing was "This boy had 14 placements in 3 years and the worker didn't tell me until I put in my notice".

I told him I get the frustration about not having the full picture and agreed he should know that so he could prepare. He said nobody would ever take a child with that many placements if they knew.  I said I thought some would and that just because some familes aren't the right match doesn't mean there isn't a good family out there that is a good match.

He said some kids just don't have a match and shouldn't have a family.

I was fuming.

At that point I ended the conversation and sent him on his merry way because I was either getting fired or arrested if it went any further.

If somebody is in it for the money and not the kids, then they need to get lost.

If they're burnt out, it's time to not take another child on, much less consider opening a residential center.

and yes.....he said he chose the agency he did because they paid the most.  I'm not buying that, but still.

He said he was considering residential because of the money. :(

This is why foster parents get a bad rap.  I hate this.

Meanwhile, all I could think about was kiddos baby sis and her number of placements and hoping she doesn't end up with somebody like him, hoping she ends up with a good family and not age out of care.

I think of my child, her residential stay, her disrupted adoption (or is that dissolved? I always get confused). It was after adoption was final.  Yet, she still worked at it, was willing to try to trust us, was willing to try to be a family girl and he she is in the family she's meant to be with, being cherished, loved and treasured forever.

In some ways, kiddos baby sis situation is made worse by being so daggone cute.  She gets so many inquiries because of that and then either gets shut down, they get turned down for not being a good match, they back out because of her history or she gets disrupted after in a home.

It's time to stop the cycle. Can you be the change the world needs to see? If you can be stubborn and out stubborn some cute kids that need a healthy home, and can provide healing and patient, connected parenting, please consider fostering, adopting or both.

Three Little Words

Ashley Rhodes-Courter wrote an amazing book that I just read yesterday.  Three Little Words.

Nope, the three little words aren't what you're thinking.

I couldn't put the book down.  A very fast read, but very inspirational insight into life as a foster child.

It was good on several levels, but I also saw so much of my daughter and her sister in this book.  The author writes about her journey in foster care and adoption, as well as a little about her younger brothers journey.  So many similiarities and I felt so much.

I can't even imagine the pain of a foster child, going through so much of the childhood on broken promises from the bio families, not knowing when/if you'll ever be home, so many that go through so many placements, the blame game and wondering why you're not good enough  (when it's not that at all), the uncertainty, the actual liking of an institution because it's safe, not being sure you'll be fed, not getting to keep your belongings from one place to another, the lost relationships, the fear of new places and learning new rules constantly, the worry over your sibling(s) and wondering if they'll ever be happy and have a forever home, the conflict of wanting to know how the bios are, combined with perhaps never wanting to even see them again, the survivors guilt of having your own family and finally being attached, even if insecurely and the hyper vigilance you develop and not being able to relax.

The writer speaks of finding the need behind the behavior, not her exact words, but it's so evident that if something is going on, you should find out what the cause is, not just lay blame.  I hurt for how much pain my child (and others) have been through. I can't understand why a parent wouldn't get how hard it is to go through this and not understand why/how it could take time to build that healthy attachment.  Our family is attached, but it's not an immediate action, it's something that develops with time.  How can one trust somebody immediately when everybody up to that point has let them down.

Everybody understands when somebody is grieving after a death, but so few understand why somebody grieves with losing somebody over and over again, even though it's not through death.  I don't see how somebody can not understand.

It only takes one to make a difference though. Be the difference!!

Ashley overcame so much and to have made such an impact is inspiring.

I can't wait to read the sequel.

Adult Adoption

http://timesleader.com/news/local/513501/on-her-day-of-adoption-21-year-old-says-youre-never-too-old-for-a-family

This makes me happy and sad at the same time.

Happy, because she finally has a forever family, despite many years of waiting.

Oh, how I hope that this makes all involved happy.

It makes me sad though that she was in foster care so long, waited so long, and no family to cherish her during the younger years, during those tough years where a child needs the extra support and could use the unconditional love of a family.

I think of that teenager that we did respite for that wanted so badly for us to adopt her.  We had already applied for kiddo.  I knew deep down we weren't the one for the teenager, although we really did enjoy her and adore her. I'm thankful and happy that at 17 she found her forever family.  She desperately wanted to be adopted and have a forever family.

I think of that cute 8 year old that spent the weekend with us just 2 weeks shy of 4 years ago and how she's been on a tv call to adopt in the news.  12 years old now and still hasn't found her forever family because after another family was chosen instead of us, they gave up on her.

The one that really hurts though, is I think of that amazing 11 year old little girl that looks up to my daughter like she hung the moon.  The one that was adopted at the age of barely 6, the ones who's adoption was disrupted on her 8th birthday, the one that 3 1/2 years later, has been in residential for the 3rd time currently, has been in over 1/2 dozen homes, the one that can't seem to find the family that she can connect and bond with, the way her big sister has. She's had a constant stream of families giving up on her and instances of her pushing others away and/or the social workers deciding she triggered too easily and moved her to eliminate triggers.

Yes, my daughters baby sister.....the one that is constantly in limbo, the one that can't seem to find peace and healing, the one that I FEAR one day will age out of care.

I don't really WANT to adopt her as an adult.  I want her to have a family now.  I want her to remain like our niece, not as a daughter. She deserves that. She deserves so much.

I'd give her a home to come to as an adult if she needs to.  The girls cannot be together.  They trigger each other too much to completely heal in each others presence.  They need connection, not constant life together.

My kiddo said she would adopt her as an adult if need be.  We'd do it before letting our child take on that responsibility, but I implore you to look into yourself.  Stick it out if you're fostering/adopting.  If you're thinking about foster/adopt, please start exploring it. Educate yourself.

If just one family out of every 3 churches (and I use this as an example, it certainly doesn't require you go to church to adopt), but if just one family from every 3rd church would adopt a child, there would be no orphans.  Every waiting child would have a family.

Be the change the world needs to see.

We can't change the world all by ourself, but every change we make is one step further to changing the world.

Alvin and the Chipmunks--spoiler alert

The Road Chip

Well worth the ticket price.

Kiddo and I really wanted to see it. Hubs didn't, so he went to a different movie while we saw it.

I loved it.

And the message.

Dave finally adopted the chipmunks and made them an "official" family.  Alvin, Theodore and Simon were worried that "dad" would give up on them and Myles didn't help much with his "dad's are overrated" comment.

When Dave found out their fears, he said "No boys, why would you think that? I'd never do that, you're stuck with me whether you like it or not"

Kiddo and I looked at each other knowingly.  That "You're stuck with me, whether you like it or not" has been used in this household a thousand times over the past few years.

We had a conversation about that on the way home and hubs told her "Whenever you're starting to feel like you think we'll give up, just remember our motto....the torture never stops"

Giggles galore.

She said to us on the way "this is our family, I'm the normal one and we know what that's saying if I'm the normal out of us 3"

Yep, a perfect fit.

Eating Issues....

sometimes I wonder if and when the eating issues will ever be resolved.

We try so hard and I know her HEAD knows that we'll always feed her and that she'll never do without, but her poor little body's memory still betrays her.

Friday night in the middle of the night, our daughter came into our room and hugged me and said she had a nightmare about Arlo starving to death and Lucifer eating him.  We responded with "Oh baby, I hope you know that nobody living here will ever starve, there is always food available".

Her response "Yes, I know, okay".

The next morning there was ZERO ice cream in the house, she'd binge ate it all after the rest of us went back to sleep.

That day, I found a can of spaghetti o's in her playroom.

Today, the crescent rolls are missing again.

It makes me so sad that she has had so much neglect that she still worries, after this much time, that things will go back to her not having enough to eat and feeling that she has to hoard food.

I cry for every moment like this that we experience, because I relive feeling pain for her that she's felt so much of her life.

If only there were a magic wand to get her through all this.

Loss and Grief

I left my previous job in April, after nearly 26 years.

It’s been so exciting to start a career with a new company, whose beliefs line up with mine and really believe it’s all about the people.

This was really a big deal.  I used to be the poster child for loyalty for my old company. I used to joke that I’d get a tattoo with the company logo on it……so glad I didn’t now.

When I left, I took 2 great employees with me.  One of them struggled a little with leaving and felt sad, while still excited.

It wasn’t until this past weekend that I had any feelings of sadness.

As I mentioned before, we recently renovated our dining room and living room, just finishing the floors last week.  As I brought things back into the house and placing them in their appropriate spots, all the awards I had won from my previous job were in a box and I was placing them with care.

Symbolically, I was going to get them all to fit in the bottom few shelves and leave the top shelf for awards from my new company.

As I thought about that, the tears finally came. It’s been over 5 months since I’ve left and I finally started crying and grieving for this significant change in my life.

I don’t regret the move a bit. I’m much happier where I’m at. 

I was grieving for what could have been though. Things used to be so much better with the last company than they are for employees now. It makes me sad how the human element is missing altogether now, and of course, their results are nowhere near as good as they were when they took care of their employees.

I can imagine this is similar to what our kids that are adopted from foster care feel.

It’s okay to be happy with your new family, being loved, being spoiled and still grieve and feel sad, despite the abuse in the past.  The first families should have taken care of these babies. There should be no need for foster care. I grieve for the childhood my child never had.  I know she grieves even more.

Of course, most of the kids adopted from foster care have behavior issues, they’re grieving.  It’s still a loss even if it’s a life you want to continue to experience.  These kids loved their biological parents and the bio’s in many cases loved these kids too, they just didn’t know how to love the correct way.

So as I grieve over the life with the company that had bosses that mistreated me, I understand so much better how my child can still grieve for those that didn’t protect her as a child.

The really good stuff....

Finally on here to share about our adoption weekend.

So November 7th, we picked up kiddo and her BFF from school at 2 pm, drove 3 1/2 hours to get to the county where the ceremony would be.

We took the girls to Melting Pot for our celebratory dinner. They had virgin daquiris. After as crazy as they were, we had to question if the bartender forgot and added the alcohol.

Crazy, fun girls in the hotel. Woke up the next morning and BFF fixed ALL our hair for us. The ceremony was amazing, despite baby sis not being able to attend. Camera's weren't allowed in the courthouse, but they did have a professional photographer on site (waiting for those pictures).

The judge spoke about us as a family. The attorney got up and spoke about how well we've done together and how just from looking at us, you could tell this was a "meant to be" story.  Kiddo kept leaning over to me and saying "Momma, don't you cry!!" I did pretty well avoiding the tears. I wanted our pictures to turn out nice, lol

We took the girls to Build A Bear afterwards to they could adopt a fuzzy child too. Then headed to VA Beach. Neither of the girls had ever been there.  They loved it and had an amazing time.  We'd definitely let BFF go with us travelling again.  They enjoyed each other and travelled well together with no meltdowns.

When we got home, less than an hour later, kiddo was missing her BFF.

Daddy took bubble gum it's a girl cigars and passed them out to everybody. Everybody thought that was really cute. I'd sent out homemade personalized adoption announcements with kiddo's picture on it that everybody loved, and personalized thank you notes for the gifts received that also had kiddo's picture on it, the adoption date and her full new name and yesterday I got this e-mail from kiddo's social worker that put us together:

I love the photo. Thank you for your kind words and I want you and Wayne to know that you’re been absolutely wonderful to work with. You have all the right instincts, and were so self-motivated to learn. And you were both just plain pleasant to talk with. And seeing you two and babygirl become a family was a special privilege for me. 

It's been 12 days since the adoption and it's still surreal that we have no more visits, no more checks, no more paperwork.

No morning sickness, but man, the paper cuts were terrible. It's over now and it was so worth it. Now, on to the next part of the journey.....enjoying each other as a forever family.

Disruption

We finally broke the news to the baby about her baby sisters adoption disrupting. She is FURIOUS.  She has ranted and raved about that family giving up on her baby sister and how it's not good to keep moving her around like that and how she needs somebody to stick it out and be there for her always.

Then she has asked both me and daddy separately for us to adopt her sister after her adoption is final.

We were stressed out thinking the disruption may put an irrational fear that her adoption would get messed up at the last minute too, but obviously she sees us as sticking it out and showing her faith in us by thinking we're good for her sister too.  Although, it's cute that she wants to wait until after her adoption is final. I guess if it was her sisters "fault", she wanted to make sure she's good first. lol

We have to keep explaining why they were separated to begin with and that it wasn't our choice they be separated, but they both need undivided attention and love until they can move past their past.

On a positive note though, her sis will be 4 hours closer to us so they'll be able to have frequent visits together and probably some overnights as well (assuming they behave and don't trigger each other too badly for overnights).  We are excited about that. C is NOT happy that we don't know this family and can't vouch for them. She's afraid they'll give up on S too.

I told C that I'm bummed about the disruption too and sorely disappointed in the family giving up so easily, but that what we needed to remember was 1) there is a home that she's suppose to be in and 2) she deserves to be as loved and spoiled as C is and that there is a family that's been waiting and searching for S and we're going to have to hope and pray it doesn't take long for them to find each other.

A mothers word....

You know how moms always say "I just hope you have a kid just like you" and it's always such a threat, but you never think it'll happen.

When I was growing up, I was a big time baby alive fan. Mom thought they were the most hideous looking baby dolls and I totally loved them. After I grew up, kids didn't appear to be in my future, so it didn't look like she'd ever get her threatening wish.  But mom and I enjoyed each other and were best friends.  We went to a rummage sale together and she caught sight of a Baby Alive and picked it up and said "is this what I think it is?". I had to laugh hysterically, because she was so right, it was completely horrible looking and yes, it was a baby alive doll.

She spent a quarter and got it for me and told me not to complain about it being ugly, if I loved it so much as a child to have so many, I needed to suffer thru her buying me one as an adult and how I should be glad I didn't have a kid that was so nuts over such an ugly baby doll.

In all fairness, they are cuter now. I showed mom a pic in a catalog before she died, but she didn't agree with that.

Today, Princess discovered the joys of thrift store shopping and got 3 baby dolls with her allowance. 2 were Baby Alives. Between mine, the one Santa brought her and these 2, she now has 4 Baby Alives.

Guess Mom got her wish, and YES, she's totally like me in a zillion other ways too.

The one on the left is the 1970's version that I had that mom spent a quarter to get me. The middle ones are the ones from the past 10 or so years and the one on the far right, the R Santa brought to 'lil miss for Christmas. 

How they've evolved, but they are silly dolls. I totally LOVE the new one though <3

I think I could throw up....

so totally stressed right now, excited and stressed together.

We heard back today.  Lil Miss H's worker wants us to come meet her Saturday. YES!! We get to meet our future kiddo.
How exciting.

or not......she also gets to meet the other family in the top 2. I'm a wreck. What if Lil Miss H gravitates right to them and not interested in us? I keep telling myself....  ³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

I try to believe that. I really do.  I don't always though. I keep wondering why the journey has been so difficult, why so many challenges, what we did to deserve this? 

Husband is calm as a cucumber. He feels fine that she'll like us fine and we'll be the ones matched. 

Only we could be in the finals on an unusual circumstance where the child meets more than one set of prospective parents.   What will I do if we get rejected? It'd crush me to meet her and then not get to be her mommy.

I keep telling myself all these multiple obstacles we had to cross to get this far, surely God wouldn't bring us to it if He wouldn't bring us through it.

Could use some serious prayers though!!

His Will?

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."

(Proverbs 16:9) NIV

Back in January 2011, I found out an employee was pregnant. She claimed she was on birth control, but we all know how that goes. I figured she just didn’t want to admit she was lax and/or wanted a baby.

In August, baby Gabby was born, she has been a blessing to us all, and amazingly I have never been jealous at all over her. I just enjoy her cuddly hugs and beautiful smile.

All through our adoption journey, we keep getting told we’ll have the child God wants us to have and we just hadn’t found the child he wants us to have yet, that he’s still preparing her, blah, blah, blah. You know? All the things you really don’t want to hear. It’s His timing, it’s meant to be, it’s His will. The whole time, despite my faith in God, I haven’t bought into that. I think our free will affects the destination we arrive at on our journey. After all, God may not plan for me to die right now, but how many times can I run out in front of a truck before it kills me, even when it’s not the original plan.

Admittedly, I have struggled with my aggravation over the lackadaisical attitude of our adoption worker and the numerous kids we haven’t even been considered for because she dropped the ball and didn’t get the info requested or submit our home study.

 Back to J for a moment and her baby Gabby….after Gabby was born, J decided to use Mirena for her birth control and prevent a repeat with the pills. Well, back in November, her Mirena FELL OUT. VERY weird. Her doctor said that rarely happens and has only known of 3 instances of this, to come back in and she’d put a new one in and she’s NEVER seen it happen twice, so no worries. Late December, yep, you guessed it, her Mirena fell out again. Needless to say, they determined she’s not a good candidate for this and put her back on the pill. Last night the news had an announcement that her pill has been recalled, as it was released without the active ingredient and is not effective for birth control.

We’ve been teasing her endlessly over Gabby having a new brother/sister so quickly, but then the thought went to God’s plans and how the best way to make Him laugh is to make plans. His plans WILL prevail.

Somehow all that happening gave me hope, that maybe we WILL find our child despite all the obstacles along the way. Surely God can fix this situation when I’m unable to fix it. If He can make 3 birth controls fail in somebody trying so hard NOT to have a baby, surely He wouldn’t give me desire for children and not let me find them.

Coincidentially or not, shortly after having this good laugh for the morning about J and her potential pregnancy, our adoption worker e-mailed. The beautiful ‘lil girl we wanted our name in the hat for and she’d said she’d been matched and our home study had never been submitted for (yes, the one in the post below)…..they want to review our home study after all.

Coincidence or not, I’ll take it. It gives us hope that God can move when others aren’t.  I attached this video because this is 'lil Miss H's favorite song. How appropriate for this post.