so much going on.....

In the midst of all the excitement and craziness with the adoption finalization, we got sad news.  Our Princess's sister is NOT going to be adopted by her current foster family after all. Apparently she's too much for them.  My crazy antenna went off before the SW called though. Prophetic dreams, gotta love them.  (always have had crazy nightmares about specific people right before something major and negative happened, but only if they were really close to me, I guess my closeness with C spilled over to her sister in my dream abilities)

I dread breaking the news to our Princess. This close to our finalization I don't really have a choice but to wait before telling her so she doesn't spend the next 2 1/2 weeks stressing and worrying we'll change our mind. At the same time, we can't wait too long, because we have to let her know before finalization so she'll either 1) understand why S is there with somebody other than the family we thought would adopt her or 2) isn't there at all.  S is still coming IF she's placed elsewhere by then and her new family can bring her, but they will not be bringing her if she's with the current family to not put them all in the uncomfortable position of talking about her upcoming adoption that is not happening.  I think it could be good for her to see her big sis happy and see a forever family is possible, but I do NOT want her to have to go thru that if she's with a family that has already decided not to proceed and her feel jealous and left out. :(

For now, she's still in that family while they look for a therapeutic foster home (and preferrably an adoptive setting) for her to move to.

Princess C got a letter in the mail from S today, along with a framed school pic of her. S's letter was too sad and sweet. It said she misses her super much and wants to see her really bad and for her to please remember all their good times together.

I suspect S is having second thoughts about this only child thing.

The SW is trying to find a home closer to us for S, so the girls can spend more time together. I hope that happens, but most importantly a happy, healthy, safe home that she can thrive in and be as cherished and loved as our little Princess is here.

I felt very flattered that the SW asked if I had any leads of good families that S could go too, but very disturbed that I honestly couldn't think of a good match for her. :(

I'm keeping my eyes and ears open though.

On a lighter and more positive note, reports cards came out today. With all the struggles and wondering if she'd pass 5th grade last year, her first middle school report card: 2 A's, 3 B's, 1 C. I'm so super proud of how much better she's doing this year and how well she's adapted.

Guess we'll be broke. After the grades of 5th grade, we really tossed the incentive out there to get her work done and do her best.  She rose to the challenge. Maybe this will give her a good taste of success and keep her working hard. I hope so, at least.

Smart girl said she's saving the money for adoption weekend when we're off in the big cities so she can spend it there instead.

LOVE THAT GIRL!!

Meeting Scheduled for Monday

Not having much faith in this meeting, but it's worth a shot I suppose. At least we copied the boss's boss on our e-mail concerns. 

we were contacted in reference to a sibling set of 2 that TPR had not been done on yet, whose goal is currently to place with relatives, and TPR is not scheduled to begin for 6 months. After rejecting the potential placement, we had a phone discussion regarding our expectations.

It was stated to me that we needed to start accepting some of the referrals we’ve been provided and be more receptive to "agency" children instead of finding our own leads and that something had to change. I was told that we needed to take risks and be willing to consider outside our normal preferences. This is concerning we’re disturbed on several levels by these comments. I don’t feel we’re being unreasonable with our expectations about a placement.

To outline a few concerns:

· T was listed with agency, on agency site, requested info October 15^th 2011 and received no response.

· B was on Tuesdays Kids, listed to contact agency if interested. She’s listed on agency Facebook page, we requested info on January 18^th 2012 and received no response. J stated she would get more information and get that to us, and whoever monitors the Facebook page also stated they’d have J reach out to us with this. To date, we have received no information or any confirmation that our home study has been submitted.

· There were 2 girls K had mentioned that were on S's case load, one of which sounded possible could be a viable match. We were promised to receive more information regarding this child. After several follow ups, no information was ever provided.

· H (the precious 'lil angel we spent the weekend with) was listed on the agency website November 2011, yet we are the ones that found out about her being separated from siblings. It was nearly 2 months after inquiry before our home study was submitted.

· S was referred to us by J on August 9 2011. We immediately agreed and on August 10, we were informed he’d already been matched elsewhere.

· J was referred to us May 26, 2011. The info provided was dated 2008. We requested clarification on information received and received no further response.

Referrals accepted and turned down for that were outside our home study preferences: C12; C13 & A9; D10, S9, and I4

Referrals we rejected: C, I & A (who incidentally in the profile info stated a potential adoptive placement had been found), F, the 2 children on 4/4, the 2 from NOVA (X&Z)

 Our preference has always been for one child, under age 12, with the potential consideration of 2 IF they were of the same sex and depending on age, due to bedroom placement and we most definitely prefer a low risk placement with TPR in place already. Given that this is the only child we intend to have, I don't think it's unreasonable to stick to our home study preferences and where our hearts lie.

We have to sign a document that we will not place a child in a room used as a passthrough. One of the bedrooms is.  Obviously this means we can't take sibling groups unless they're the same sex and can share a bedroom.

Last year we had a meeting:

results were that we'd go visit DSS with J, they'd update the site, they'd get info on S's girls and our profile would be submitted on the adopt group J is member of.  To date, no visits with DSS, it took 5 months to update the site, no info on S's girls and profile never submitted, 7 months later told she's not even a member and dues are required. We even offered to pay the dues.

We're talking with another agency as well to see if it's possible to switch, but we could really use some good thoughts and prayers. This has gone nowhere quick.

I think I could throw up....

so totally stressed right now, excited and stressed together.

We heard back today.  Lil Miss H's worker wants us to come meet her Saturday. YES!! We get to meet our future kiddo.
How exciting.

or not......she also gets to meet the other family in the top 2. I'm a wreck. What if Lil Miss H gravitates right to them and not interested in us? I keep telling myself....  ³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

I try to believe that. I really do.  I don't always though. I keep wondering why the journey has been so difficult, why so many challenges, what we did to deserve this? 

Husband is calm as a cucumber. He feels fine that she'll like us fine and we'll be the ones matched. 

Only we could be in the finals on an unusual circumstance where the child meets more than one set of prospective parents.   What will I do if we get rejected? It'd crush me to meet her and then not get to be her mommy.

I keep telling myself all these multiple obstacles we had to cross to get this far, surely God wouldn't bring us to it if He wouldn't bring us through it.

Could use some serious prayers though!!

Control Tower

I haven't been on here lately because I'm so overwhelmed with excitement, I can't put my thoughts into words, but then I heard an analogy that put together how I'm thinking.

The pilot gets in the plane, can't see everything through the clouds and the control tower is responsible for telling the pilot when to turn, descend, ascend, etc.  Through it all, the pilot gets us where we're going, but it is 90% adjustment from it's current path.  Rarely is it a straight line.

The adoption journey for us hasn't been a straight line either.

We had an interview on Princess M last March. It went extremely well and yet, we weren't chosen. In the final 2 and the other couple was chosen.

We had an interview on Lil Miss H Friday. I'm afraid to be hopeful. We've been hopeful in the past and it fall through, but it's all been a very crooked line.

Lil Miss H we found last fall. She was on adoptuskids with her siblings.  We found her and Princess Redhead at the same time.  I tried to talk the hubby into applying for them, but he said no, 3 was too many, so we only applied for Princess Redhead. I kept her on my watch list anyway as I prayed for them.  Apparently though I did more than watch because when she was separated from her younger siblings, I got a notice asking if we were still interested even though it was only 1.  Not only only 1, but THE one that I really felt something for. I told the hubby and he said "quick, call our worker".

We called our worker....7 weeks later she STILL had not submitted our home study and she said Lil Miss H already had a prospective family. I was furious and hurt and so was DH. I literally cried myself to sleep that night, it felt like everyone was working against us and that if our worker wasn't advocating for us, then we were doomed.

Despite that, I reached out to see if she was really placed. Turns out our worker saw the siblings status and not her status, she thought they'd been placed together (I don't REALLY believe that, I think that was her excuse to not admit she forgot to submit our study), but in any event, that Friday she submitted our home study.  Her worker had a meeting and eliminated the unacceptable families. We were in the "explore more info" pile as a potential family.

Princess Redheads worker reached out Monday and told us the deal with her and that a little more time was needed. (we interviewed on her by phone a few weeks ago)

Lil Miss H's worker reached out to us directly on Monday and told us a little about this 'lil angel and asked if we were willing and able to accomodate her worst behavioral issues.  We asked a couple questions to clarify and decided we still were very interested.  On Wednesday, she reached out and requested a face to face interview and on Friday we had an interview.

We think it went very well. They seemed to like us and think we could be good for her, but of course, we have to wait and they are interviewing one more family before a decision is made.

I keep thinking about the control tower and the crooked journey. God had to work serious miracles to get this young lady in our path, to get our home study submitted, to get us considered despite all these odds. If He can do that, I'm sure He can get us approved for her.

I'm terrified. She has some pretty severe issues, and yet, that's EXACTLY the child I want, as does the husband.  It feels right. I hope I'm not wrong. I almost think Princess M last March may have been a way to prepare us for this one, she's eeirily similar.  As a result, we ended up focusing more of our training on those type issues in case we ran into another like her or if her adoption disrupted (in which case, we knew we'd be called)

Either way, say a prayer for both of these young ladies. I think I know what direction we're suppose to go in. I'm just not sure others are on the same page yet. Time will tell what the control tower (God) has in store for us.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours ~Mark 11:24