Playdate

The girls had a playdate today.

I finally figured out what's nagging at me, I just can't figure out the whole thing.

Every time we meet up, I see so much of my kiddo in her baby sis, which is to be expected.  But it finally occurred to me I'm seeing S treat kiddo alot like kiddo treated me early on.

What that means, I don't know.  Is she trying to bond and feeling insecure? Is she unsure her current role with her sis since they don't live together? It's very obvious they love each other.  S thinks our kiddo hung the moon.

I'm reminded of our attachment therapy with kiddo.  S is acting like she wants to be the "leading lady", a tad bossy, but sorta sweet about it. She definitely wants her own way, but on some level, I really get the feeling that it's not about wanting her own way, but seeing if she can get her own way and if she deserves it.

I want so bad for this little angel to do better with her therapy in residential this time and be ready to be a family girl when she gets out. I want her to find a family that will treasure her the way we do kiddo.  I want her to know what it's like to be spoiled and loved the way she deserves to be.

Not sure which of the 4 of us enjoyed today the most.

Christmas Party

Adoption/foster agency has a Christmas party every year for foster families and kids awaiting adoption. It was decided that we would be invited even though we are finalized so kiddo could see her baby sister.

It was our first time meeting the new mom. Imagine our surprise when talking to her finding out she'd been there barely over a week, the family we knew about and not met had already given up on her.

So sad for Lil S. So many moves. :(
That's family #5 now for her plus residential since the joint adoption disrupted.

Sad for her and furious that we were not warned in advance. Major trigger, our daughter got stressed and worried about sis and went back to hoarding food over the weekend and stress binging, eating uncooked cinammon rolls.

I wish I could make things better.

Maintaining Connections

Finalization has been set for November. Of course it's in National Adoption Month.  I genuinelly think that's why the delay.

We invited the babys birth sister and her new family to come. They've discussed it with her therapist and decided that that would be good for everybody.

so, YAY, the baby sis is coming.

I know this is going to be so great for our baby, she really misses her sis.  It's also going to be great for her sister because she's been struggling horribly lately.  Partially missing her sister, partially her normal struggles, but in August she moved into her new home and she said prior to that she doesn't want to be adopted, that she can't count on anybody to keep her, so why bother.

Really heartbreaking. Her new family is trying super hard to get her secure. We're hoping that when she comes to finalization and sees that over a year after we met C, that she's still happy, healthier than ever and see's the excitement with the adoption, that S will relax a little and let herself enjoy her new family.  (they have not signed any adoption papers and will not until S is ready, they are currently her foster family)

We applied for the 2 of them initially, even though we also initially said we only wanted 1 child. The little one decided she'd rather they be separated. I suspect it's because she wanted to give our baby a chance and maybe felt one of them was messing up their placements and maybe if they were separated, at least one of them would find their forever home.

So glad our baby WANTED so badly to be adopted into a healthy, happy family with pets.  Yep, pets was a requirement.

I'm amazed at how as our relationship with our baby has grown, our compassion for those important to her has also grown.  I'm super excited her little monster sister gets to come to finalization.

Hoping it'll be a happy and stress free day for ALL involved.

We've made reservations near the courthouse for our hotel and going to The Melting Pot the night before for dinner, waking up and going to court in our matching shoes for the ceremony. After the ceremony we will be letting the girls play together until lunchtime, have lunch together and then we're off to VA Beach for one night. C has never been to VA Beach and she loved our beach trip to OBX this summer. Since VA Beach is only a couple hours away from court, we thought we'd just celebrate all day at the beach, have a nice dinner at the beach and come back home the next morning.

I'm so super excited. Have I said that lately?

Living with a broken heart

When 'lil miss came to visit, she told she was scheduled to visit another family too.  She visited another family the week after us. Despite having that connection and loving her so much and all of us feeling like family, her worker chose the other family, who's visit also went well.

My heart is broken. Why have her visit and then take her away for us never to see again?

They said we did nothing wrong, the visit went well, we had all the right trainings, they loved us, etc, but ultimately it was a hard choice and they chose the other family.  It's not normal to have 2 families actually meeting the child. I don't get thow that makes sense for either of us?

Will we ever get over this? I miss this precious little girl so much. My heart feels not only broken, but shredded into little pieces.

Most amazing little girl in the world

If we could have brought her home today, we would have.  Today was one of the best days of my life….until we had to say goodbye for now, that is.

I fell in love immediately and my first words to my husband was "omg, you HAVE to look up NOW, she's absolutely the most adorable little girl I've ever seen!!"

My heart is going to be so crushed if this doesn’t work out. She is the most amazing little girl and so positively perfect. She told me about her dream last night, dreaming about the slide at McDonalds, had us watch her purse while she played, eyes wide open with amazement and the story of Santa’s reindeer in our yard last year.  Such a pleasant day.  She had an oreo flurry, which happens to be my favorite flavor ice cream!

We went to a playground afterwards and played, took a walk and had a great time.  I can see daddys girl in her future. .....on his shoulders and waving to friends, calling for them to look. It’s so obvious she's ready for a family and I hope it’s us.  I turned to mush when she reached for hubbys hand.  We took a walk down to the dog park where she wanted to look at the dogs, and if we could go to our house for awhile and see Arlo.  We got to watch her interact with other kids and see how outside the box she plays vs others. My kid in spirit at least.

Such a perfect day. At the end though, she wouldn’t say bye to us and didn’t want to leave. We didn’t either. I got in the car and cried because I was already missing you. Hubby looked over and said “I know, I miss her too”

Side note: there was a buzzard there today too. Little Miss noticed it and pointed out the “eagle” or I’d have never noticed <3