Sleepover

ended up being so stressful

It's 3 am and I'm still in tears.

The deal was because we had to remove the spare bed because of the hoarding, the girls had to come up with an alternate plan to have a sleepover.

C asked if she could sleep on the couch (ahead of time). We said no because of the bedwetting. They finally decided sleeping bags in the floor and they'd be in the same room.  At bedtime, they got the sleeping bags together and put them in the living room and K got on the couch and C got on the loveseat. We pulled C aside and reminded her that we said no to her sleeping on the couch.

She had the biggest meltdown ever.

We're mean.
We're like her last family.
She doesn't care about us.
She doesn't love anybody.
She's not going back in the room with her friend.
She doesn't care if she never has friends.
She doesn't ever want another sleepover.
We're mean.
She doesn't love us.
She wishes we hadn't adopted her.
We don't understand.

OMG!! I'm so tired and I've been crying non stop for 3 hours.  I'm so sorry her friend had to deal with the temper tantrum and I'm so brokenhearted that she could say such mean things. I know she didn't mean them, but it still doesn't make it hurt less.

I wish I could quit crying. She's apparently having trouble sleeping, because ironically, she just got up and went to the bathroom.  Yes, we finally got her back in the living room after an hour of tantruming and I've already messaged K's mom to pick her up early rather than later because my child doesn't know how to behave.

On a better note though, regardless of how frustrated both me and DH felt and how hurt we both were (and mad too), we remained calm through the whole thing. Serious time in, sat with her until she went back to K. All the yelling was from C.

She came back and apologized about 1/2 hour later.  We were still drained and said we'd talk about it today.  (honestly, gotta know whether she's sorry or whether K just told her she was behaving badly and to apologize, because K will call her out and make her behave)

Living with a broken heart

When 'lil miss came to visit, she told she was scheduled to visit another family too.  She visited another family the week after us. Despite having that connection and loving her so much and all of us feeling like family, her worker chose the other family, who's visit also went well.

My heart is broken. Why have her visit and then take her away for us never to see again?

They said we did nothing wrong, the visit went well, we had all the right trainings, they loved us, etc, but ultimately it was a hard choice and they chose the other family.  It's not normal to have 2 families actually meeting the child. I don't get thow that makes sense for either of us?

Will we ever get over this? I miss this precious little girl so much. My heart feels not only broken, but shredded into little pieces.