Sleepover

ended up being so stressful

It's 3 am and I'm still in tears.

The deal was because we had to remove the spare bed because of the hoarding, the girls had to come up with an alternate plan to have a sleepover.

C asked if she could sleep on the couch (ahead of time). We said no because of the bedwetting. They finally decided sleeping bags in the floor and they'd be in the same room.  At bedtime, they got the sleeping bags together and put them in the living room and K got on the couch and C got on the loveseat. We pulled C aside and reminded her that we said no to her sleeping on the couch.

She had the biggest meltdown ever.

We're mean.
We're like her last family.
She doesn't care about us.
She doesn't love anybody.
She's not going back in the room with her friend.
She doesn't care if she never has friends.
She doesn't ever want another sleepover.
We're mean.
She doesn't love us.
She wishes we hadn't adopted her.
We don't understand.

OMG!! I'm so tired and I've been crying non stop for 3 hours.  I'm so sorry her friend had to deal with the temper tantrum and I'm so brokenhearted that she could say such mean things. I know she didn't mean them, but it still doesn't make it hurt less.

I wish I could quit crying. She's apparently having trouble sleeping, because ironically, she just got up and went to the bathroom.  Yes, we finally got her back in the living room after an hour of tantruming and I've already messaged K's mom to pick her up early rather than later because my child doesn't know how to behave.

On a better note though, regardless of how frustrated both me and DH felt and how hurt we both were (and mad too), we remained calm through the whole thing. Serious time in, sat with her until she went back to K. All the yelling was from C.

She came back and apologized about 1/2 hour later.  We were still drained and said we'd talk about it today.  (honestly, gotta know whether she's sorry or whether K just told her she was behaving badly and to apologize, because K will call her out and make her behave)

.....and I'm calling GRANDMA!!

Kiddo had a major temper tantrum, because we're SO MEAN!!! How dare we mistreat her like this.

We ordered DNA kits for all of us. We can find out her genetics, but have a little fun too.  She had to spit in a vial to send it off. She said we were mean for making her do that. Obviously she woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

While she was screaming about it, she screams that she's telling M about it (her social worker).  I told her they weren't open, but she could call later if she really wanted to. Daddy told her that M is actually the one that told us about this genetic testing so she might find that call amusing and to go ahead.

As I drove her to school this morning, she calmed down and when we got there, I asked if she wanted my phone to call M before going in. She said no, she was over it now.

I told her finalization was soon, she was going to have to find another threat than calling M. She said "Oh yeah", got quiet for a moment and said "Well, I'm calling GRANDMA!!"

I had to laugh. That moment was just what I needed after the tantrum before.

First Family Vacation

Yeah, it was a month ago, but still, just getting around to sharing. Kiddo keeps me super busy.

Mostly good.  But 'lil Miss trauma child has her moments. Total meltdown on day 3. Finally she said "I don't deserve all this. I should be at (insert name of residential center here that she was at). I don't understand why you love me and adopted me".

Oh, it breaks my heart to see her hurt.

As maddening as it is to go thru her tantrums, I have to remember where she's coming from and not take it personal. I'm glad when one of us isn't thinking clearly, the other is.  I started to say "of course you deserve it", but when your child is disregulated, telling them they're wrong isn't the way to go. My dear husband NAILED IT!! He said "Princess, whether you deserve something or not is irrelevant. Things we do as a family are because we're a family. Things we do for you are because we love you, not because you had to earn it".  I fell in love all over again in that very moment.

On a lighter note, 98% of the vacation was a blast and look at this PRECIOUS picture!