Last Christmas

 There is something just magical about Christmas. 

There is something magical about not the day, but about the spirit and love throughout the holiday.  This past Christmas was super special.  I had a "bonus kid" this time.  

Kiddo's fiance joined us for Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning and participated in our festivities and traditions.  Not just those 2 big days, but the whole season, his waking moments were all here. 

Kiddo's baby sister joined us for a week.

Due to company policy, I ended up out of work 4 days while I waited on covid test, even though I knew it wasn't covid, so I got to spend all that time with the kids.  

Fiance and baby sis helped us make ornaments this year.  Us girls did the normal ornaments.  Fiance did this super cute truck that was our centerpiece between the plants this year.  Such kids!!!

They basically had a few Christmas's wrapped in one.  Of course there was Christmas Eve and Day.  Christmas Eve we opened gifts from each other.  Christmas Day we opened Santa gifts.  While baby sis was here they had another Christmas and then fiances bday was Black Friday and their year anniversary dating and our familiversary also, they had another day of opening a couple gifts. 

Dust Bunny's first gift opened was a Sanford and Son dvd, hence the joke with the truck he painted as his ornament.

to put things in perspective, Dust Bunny and the girls all 3 have similar backgrounds, with a little less than they should have had in their early childhoods.  All neglected and/or abused.  It was so fun to spoil this boy with my girls.  I loved showing him our traditions, spoiling him and letting Santa visit like he should have had at 4 and 5 and 6, etc.

It's such a pleasure to give at Christmas and any time and I loved it so much.  He was stunned and amazed at his "loot".  He spoiled me a little bit too.  

Good kids and such fun.

But why am I talking Christmas this time of year? Because Easter is coming up Sunday and if the kids are super sweet, who knows? Maybe the Easter Bunny will visit.  

Still Fuming

I'm still fuming after the response from DH's mom.
I've written her a letter this morning just to get it out. It's not being mailed today. Just writing it makes me feel better.  If I feel later that it needs to be said and not just out of MY system, then I'll mail it.


MIL,

Unconditional love:

To love somebody with no conditions or circumstances: to love completely

Love is a verb, not a feeling

I’m very disappointed that the choice was made to choose no contact with your granddaughter for the next 6 years over having a relationship with your son. 

The #1 thing we HAVE to do to insure that our daughter feels like she’s in her forever family and for our family to love each other unconditionally and demonstrate that through our daily actions.

Defriending/blocking/etc everytime there is a disagreement, both with son and his wife and child is childish and not what I would have expected from a mother. I can’t imagine shutting my child out, regardless of what happens in the future. The first time we left it open for reconciliation so that our daughter could experience having an earthly grandmother.  I will not continue to let my daughter be hurt by those that are suppose to show her love.

Your response to our request for normalcy is very concerning at best.  I’m stunned that you’re willing to leave what happens 6 years from now to chance, just because you don’t want to speak with me or DH.

Maybe she will contact you when she grows up and want a relationship despite you shutting her out as a child. If so, then she’ll have both our blessings and we will be proud that she’s demonstrating unconditional love, even when it’s not shown.

If she doesn’t though, remember that today sets the tone for tomorrow.

Maybe I don’t get it because I always had unconditional love, but I don’t understand drama in families and shutting each other out.

I hope all is well and that you can rest in your decision without guilt. I know I wouldn’t be able to.

Signed,

Me

Playdate

The girls had a playdate today.

I finally figured out what's nagging at me, I just can't figure out the whole thing.

Every time we meet up, I see so much of my kiddo in her baby sis, which is to be expected.  But it finally occurred to me I'm seeing S treat kiddo alot like kiddo treated me early on.

What that means, I don't know.  Is she trying to bond and feeling insecure? Is she unsure her current role with her sis since they don't live together? It's very obvious they love each other.  S thinks our kiddo hung the moon.

I'm reminded of our attachment therapy with kiddo.  S is acting like she wants to be the "leading lady", a tad bossy, but sorta sweet about it. She definitely wants her own way, but on some level, I really get the feeling that it's not about wanting her own way, but seeing if she can get her own way and if she deserves it.

I want so bad for this little angel to do better with her therapy in residential this time and be ready to be a family girl when she gets out. I want her to find a family that will treasure her the way we do kiddo.  I want her to know what it's like to be spoiled and loved the way she deserves to be.

Not sure which of the 4 of us enjoyed today the most.

Sleepover

ended up being so stressful

It's 3 am and I'm still in tears.

The deal was because we had to remove the spare bed because of the hoarding, the girls had to come up with an alternate plan to have a sleepover.

C asked if she could sleep on the couch (ahead of time). We said no because of the bedwetting. They finally decided sleeping bags in the floor and they'd be in the same room.  At bedtime, they got the sleeping bags together and put them in the living room and K got on the couch and C got on the loveseat. We pulled C aside and reminded her that we said no to her sleeping on the couch.

She had the biggest meltdown ever.

We're mean.
We're like her last family.
She doesn't care about us.
She doesn't love anybody.
She's not going back in the room with her friend.
She doesn't care if she never has friends.
She doesn't ever want another sleepover.
We're mean.
She doesn't love us.
She wishes we hadn't adopted her.
We don't understand.

OMG!! I'm so tired and I've been crying non stop for 3 hours.  I'm so sorry her friend had to deal with the temper tantrum and I'm so brokenhearted that she could say such mean things. I know she didn't mean them, but it still doesn't make it hurt less.

I wish I could quit crying. She's apparently having trouble sleeping, because ironically, she just got up and went to the bathroom.  Yes, we finally got her back in the living room after an hour of tantruming and I've already messaged K's mom to pick her up early rather than later because my child doesn't know how to behave.

On a better note though, regardless of how frustrated both me and DH felt and how hurt we both were (and mad too), we remained calm through the whole thing. Serious time in, sat with her until she went back to K. All the yelling was from C.

She came back and apologized about 1/2 hour later.  We were still drained and said we'd talk about it today.  (honestly, gotta know whether she's sorry or whether K just told her she was behaving badly and to apologize, because K will call her out and make her behave)