Disruption

We finally broke the news to the baby about her baby sisters adoption disrupting. She is FURIOUS.  She has ranted and raved about that family giving up on her baby sister and how it's not good to keep moving her around like that and how she needs somebody to stick it out and be there for her always.

Then she has asked both me and daddy separately for us to adopt her sister after her adoption is final.

We were stressed out thinking the disruption may put an irrational fear that her adoption would get messed up at the last minute too, but obviously she sees us as sticking it out and showing her faith in us by thinking we're good for her sister too.  Although, it's cute that she wants to wait until after her adoption is final. I guess if it was her sisters "fault", she wanted to make sure she's good first. lol

We have to keep explaining why they were separated to begin with and that it wasn't our choice they be separated, but they both need undivided attention and love until they can move past their past.

On a positive note though, her sis will be 4 hours closer to us so they'll be able to have frequent visits together and probably some overnights as well (assuming they behave and don't trigger each other too badly for overnights).  We are excited about that. C is NOT happy that we don't know this family and can't vouch for them. She's afraid they'll give up on S too.

I told C that I'm bummed about the disruption too and sorely disappointed in the family giving up so easily, but that what we needed to remember was 1) there is a home that she's suppose to be in and 2) she deserves to be as loved and spoiled as C is and that there is a family that's been waiting and searching for S and we're going to have to hope and pray it doesn't take long for them to find each other.

One short year ago....

Exactly one year ago today, we met our precious baby girl for the first time.

I was a weepy mess today.

Thinking of how far we've come in a year, our first reactions to each other, the many milestones we've hit.  Yes, it was love at first sight.

Underweight, bedhead, a dress about 4 sizes too big, and clunky shoes.  We loved her instantly. Then she opened her mouth for our first conversation together.  It only got better.

We looked at her welcome home book together to introduce her to us, let her ask us questions, asked her a few related questions and 15 minutes later, our first introduction was over and we had to leave her.

I knew instantly we'd see her again soon, that we'd made that first connection that would be the first building block to our becoming a family.

So daggone cute today, we told her happy anniversary, we went out to dinner to celebrate (well, really, we got out every Friday night, but she said it was to celebrate) and she changed clothes and fixed her hair real cute because it was a special occassion.

Yes, it certainly was.  No longer underweight, beautiful hair that has grown beyond believe, cute clothes that fit perfectly and while all that is superficial stuff, it's just a mark of how our love has grown and how she's thrived. I had the hardest time not crying as I looked at her today, seeing how quickly our baby is growing up and being so proud of her!!

I never knew we'd fall this head over heels in love. Suspected, yes, knew, nope.
She was so worth the wait!

so much going on.....

In the midst of all the excitement and craziness with the adoption finalization, we got sad news.  Our Princess's sister is NOT going to be adopted by her current foster family after all. Apparently she's too much for them.  My crazy antenna went off before the SW called though. Prophetic dreams, gotta love them.  (always have had crazy nightmares about specific people right before something major and negative happened, but only if they were really close to me, I guess my closeness with C spilled over to her sister in my dream abilities)

I dread breaking the news to our Princess. This close to our finalization I don't really have a choice but to wait before telling her so she doesn't spend the next 2 1/2 weeks stressing and worrying we'll change our mind. At the same time, we can't wait too long, because we have to let her know before finalization so she'll either 1) understand why S is there with somebody other than the family we thought would adopt her or 2) isn't there at all.  S is still coming IF she's placed elsewhere by then and her new family can bring her, but they will not be bringing her if she's with the current family to not put them all in the uncomfortable position of talking about her upcoming adoption that is not happening.  I think it could be good for her to see her big sis happy and see a forever family is possible, but I do NOT want her to have to go thru that if she's with a family that has already decided not to proceed and her feel jealous and left out. :(

For now, she's still in that family while they look for a therapeutic foster home (and preferrably an adoptive setting) for her to move to.

Princess C got a letter in the mail from S today, along with a framed school pic of her. S's letter was too sad and sweet. It said she misses her super much and wants to see her really bad and for her to please remember all their good times together.

I suspect S is having second thoughts about this only child thing.

The SW is trying to find a home closer to us for S, so the girls can spend more time together. I hope that happens, but most importantly a happy, healthy, safe home that she can thrive in and be as cherished and loved as our little Princess is here.

I felt very flattered that the SW asked if I had any leads of good families that S could go too, but very disturbed that I honestly couldn't think of a good match for her. :(

I'm keeping my eyes and ears open though.

On a lighter and more positive note, reports cards came out today. With all the struggles and wondering if she'd pass 5th grade last year, her first middle school report card: 2 A's, 3 B's, 1 C. I'm so super proud of how much better she's doing this year and how well she's adapted.

Guess we'll be broke. After the grades of 5th grade, we really tossed the incentive out there to get her work done and do her best.  She rose to the challenge. Maybe this will give her a good taste of success and keep her working hard. I hope so, at least.

Smart girl said she's saving the money for adoption weekend when we're off in the big cities so she can spend it there instead.

LOVE THAT GIRL!!

the pre-adopt jitters

Kiddo is back to her binging. She said she's worried that M (her SW) will change her mind at the last minute.  I'm pretty sure that's not what she's worried about, but I told her at this late date 1) M can NOT change her mind, papers have already been sent to judge approving it, but in addition to that 2) that WE couldn't even change our mind at this point (not that we'd want to) and to talk to us instead of sneaking in the kitchen after night.

It was a big trigger for her daddy since they have a similar background, but fortunately he was pretty calm.  We talked thru it, left it alone and went back to it later. We came up with a solution together that when she does that, she has to pay us back twice what the item cost from her allowance that week if it wasn't in "her" drawer of stuff that was put together.  1) paying twice will hopefully make her think about it before she acts and 2) most importantly, thinking about it will give her time to think of another coping skill that she can use instead of an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Her file says her last family put locks on the fridge. We are dead set against that, but laying in bed, we were brainstorming and decided we'll put a baby monitor in the kitchen. That way we can hear when she sneaks into the kitchen at night and one of us can get up and comfort her without her needing to take our meals.

We continue to not have the right ingredients for a full meal and eat very odd combinations because of her hoarding and binging.  There is always plenty of food, but our plans change last second way too often because of food missing.

I wish so bad that our baby didn't struggle so much with that.  I want her to be able to remember that she's out of her past situations and it's not going to be repeated.  I know there is nothing that can be "said" to make her know that and only time and appropriate interventions can help her heal from this.  Still though....would totally love to wave a magic wand and make things all better for her.

I think this is perplexing to me because I can't resolve my own eating issues, how will I ever help her with her eating issues? I said I couldn't figure out where mine came from, since I had a healthy, happy childhood, but my husband hit the nail on the head and figured it out.  We all have scars I suppose.

Maintaining Connections

Finalization has been set for November. Of course it's in National Adoption Month.  I genuinelly think that's why the delay.

We invited the babys birth sister and her new family to come. They've discussed it with her therapist and decided that that would be good for everybody.

so, YAY, the baby sis is coming.

I know this is going to be so great for our baby, she really misses her sis.  It's also going to be great for her sister because she's been struggling horribly lately.  Partially missing her sister, partially her normal struggles, but in August she moved into her new home and she said prior to that she doesn't want to be adopted, that she can't count on anybody to keep her, so why bother.

Really heartbreaking. Her new family is trying super hard to get her secure. We're hoping that when she comes to finalization and sees that over a year after we met C, that she's still happy, healthier than ever and see's the excitement with the adoption, that S will relax a little and let herself enjoy her new family.  (they have not signed any adoption papers and will not until S is ready, they are currently her foster family)

We applied for the 2 of them initially, even though we also initially said we only wanted 1 child. The little one decided she'd rather they be separated. I suspect it's because she wanted to give our baby a chance and maybe felt one of them was messing up their placements and maybe if they were separated, at least one of them would find their forever home.

So glad our baby WANTED so badly to be adopted into a healthy, happy family with pets.  Yep, pets was a requirement.

I'm amazed at how as our relationship with our baby has grown, our compassion for those important to her has also grown.  I'm super excited her little monster sister gets to come to finalization.

Hoping it'll be a happy and stress free day for ALL involved.

We've made reservations near the courthouse for our hotel and going to The Melting Pot the night before for dinner, waking up and going to court in our matching shoes for the ceremony. After the ceremony we will be letting the girls play together until lunchtime, have lunch together and then we're off to VA Beach for one night. C has never been to VA Beach and she loved our beach trip to OBX this summer. Since VA Beach is only a couple hours away from court, we thought we'd just celebrate all day at the beach, have a nice dinner at the beach and come back home the next morning.

I'm so super excited. Have I said that lately?

.....and I'm calling GRANDMA!!

Kiddo had a major temper tantrum, because we're SO MEAN!!! How dare we mistreat her like this.

We ordered DNA kits for all of us. We can find out her genetics, but have a little fun too.  She had to spit in a vial to send it off. She said we were mean for making her do that. Obviously she woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

While she was screaming about it, she screams that she's telling M about it (her social worker).  I told her they weren't open, but she could call later if she really wanted to. Daddy told her that M is actually the one that told us about this genetic testing so she might find that call amusing and to go ahead.

As I drove her to school this morning, she calmed down and when we got there, I asked if she wanted my phone to call M before going in. She said no, she was over it now.

I told her finalization was soon, she was going to have to find another threat than calling M. She said "Oh yeah", got quiet for a moment and said "Well, I'm calling GRANDMA!!"

I had to laugh. That moment was just what I needed after the tantrum before.

First Family Vacation

Yeah, it was a month ago, but still, just getting around to sharing. Kiddo keeps me super busy.

Mostly good.  But 'lil Miss trauma child has her moments. Total meltdown on day 3. Finally she said "I don't deserve all this. I should be at (insert name of residential center here that she was at). I don't understand why you love me and adopted me".

Oh, it breaks my heart to see her hurt.

As maddening as it is to go thru her tantrums, I have to remember where she's coming from and not take it personal. I'm glad when one of us isn't thinking clearly, the other is.  I started to say "of course you deserve it", but when your child is disregulated, telling them they're wrong isn't the way to go. My dear husband NAILED IT!! He said "Princess, whether you deserve something or not is irrelevant. Things we do as a family are because we're a family. Things we do for you are because we love you, not because you had to earn it".  I fell in love all over again in that very moment.

On a lighter note, 98% of the vacation was a blast and look at this PRECIOUS picture!