Opinions.....are parents best teachers?

 I read this question earlier.  

I don't think that has a blanket answer.  There are too many variables.  It depends on the child.  It depends on the parent.  It depends on the situation.

Given the COVID issue and so many kids "home schooling" now, I can see reason for question, but it's so much deeper than that. 

I would love to say I think parents are the best teachers, but what if a parent has no idea what to do? I would like to think that their school teachers could help overcome some of that and make the difference for that person. Otherwise, everybody would be destined to repeat the same cycles over and over again.  Nobody would ever be able to improve our communities because we would be limited to what our parents were able to do for us.  Or willing, whichever the case may be.

That said, my parents were definitely my best teachers.  

I hope that one day my child will say I was a best teacher.  I definitely tried to teach. So much true learning is more than a classroom. It's about critical thinking skills.  It's about experiences. It's about emotions and relationships.  It's also about knowledge, but how much more important it is to know how to find answers than remembering answers.  

Thank God for that.  My memory isn't what it used to be. However, I do know how and where to find some answers.  Hopefully that counts.

My mom used to teach me all kinds of things.  She taught me to read at 2.  She was persistent with her technique in how to teach me to do things. My dad taught me values.  My mom taught me what I got from playing at times. She taught me to look up answers. It was nothing for me to sit in living room floor looking up random information in an encyclopedia.  I can't imagine if google had been around in my childhood.  

We took our child many places, experiencing things, pointing out valuable things.  My husband will occasionally complain about our daughter being just like me.  I taught her that.  There are worse things that could happen.  Our life was a big field trip.  She didn't do great at school in memorization activities, but was great hands on.  Our field trips taught her much.  She will occasionally bring up something she learned on family outing that was fun.  

Play is our childs most important work.  

I'd like to think I'm a good teacher, but I'm certainly not willing to rely on me alone to be what has my daughter succeed or not.  I'm not so vain I don't think others have value.

Life really is a learning adventure until the day we die.  It's not just for kids. 

College? No college? Career? Change?

Name three things you’d do if you weren’t afraid of failure.

Work has not gone well for me lately.  I've had staffing issues, there has been COVID and then when stimulus's constantly, nobody has really needed a loan.  I'm in a rural area where $1200 and $1400 is more than alot of our customers net in a month on their job.  Then add 3-6 kids, they are raking in the dough. 

So, since my head is on the chopping block for lack of ability to grow in this climate because I'm taking payoffs and payments like mad (on the plus side, my past due percents are getting lower and lower by the second because they have money now), it's got me to thinking "what would I do if I did lose my job?"

I don't have a college degree.  I've been in the financial industry since 1987 (I was 17).  I make twice as much as the average citizen in this area because we are a rural, depressed, underdeveloped county with low median incomes.  I can NOT change a job and make anywhere near as much money as I make.  

Oh, let me rephrase. I don't make twice as much as average citizen. I make twice as much as average FAMILY in this area. On my own. 

Some of you may know, my husbands lack of work is a sore spot.  A thorn in my side, I have to realistically think "what if?".

If I weren't afraid, what I'd really do would be give up the rat race and ONLY do things that make me happy and that I'm passionate about.  Unfortunately, that would lead to a drastically different standard of living. 

After all, how much money could I make writing? How much could I make doing baby and engagement photography without expanding to the high costs wedding photography? (there is nothing I'd hate worse than my hobby being a chore with bridezilla).  How much could I make just renting out all this wedding stuff  I purchased from a wedding shop that went out of business?  In a high end market, yeah, in a depressed economy, most will marry at church or court and use their materials.  How much could I make converting photos to digital? How much could I make selling stuff on ebay?  Flip or flop on stuff to put on ebay could be fun, but realistically, would I make enough to make it worth it?  Professional stalking? Well, no, not really, but skip tracing for people that need to find out about people, where they are for collections? or searching birth family from adoption? etc

On the bright side, the house is paid for.  The only car not paid for will be paid off in February 2022. I could have a garden to feed myself.  God knows I have plenty of land.  All I'd need is enough for electricity, supplies to support my hobbies and needs, insurance, clothes, meat to go with what I grow, and pool supplies of course.

Huge difference in standard of living, but I could live. Maybe living off the grid wouldn't be horrible.  I could cut the cable off and get raku tv or use firestick.  Internet and cell phone may be a challenge, but it's doable.  

Sometimes I just need to convince myself I don't need ANYBODY to make things happen and I can live just fine.  I'd be without insurance and medical pretty quick but I'd be able to survive at least, maybe following passion could provide a thrive even without the finances being stable.  Doubtful, but maybe.  I am pretty accustomed to my life style.  

COVID

 How did I go the whole year of 2020 and not post anything? How did I lose my password again? 

All that extra time and I forget.

Where we left off at, so much has happened since then.

Covid, my daughter graduated, she's engaged now, her sister finally has a foster home of her own. So, I'm thinking now that the girls are virtually grown, I'm going to write about random things. 

I need to find friends. I need a life outside of the kids. What will I do when my monkey gets married? Even though we are best friends, she deserves a strong marriage with the ability to separate childhood and adulthood. 

Meanwhile, I'm having a ball hanging with them. They include me in so much. COVID, ironically, drew us so close together. 

Friday night family dinners started including fiance long before he was fiance.

We did outdoor activities and grew so close. 

With the absence of the "noise" of other people, it's amazing what work gets done in relationships. Unfortunately, what drew us close can also separate others. That's a story for another day. Not ready to tackle that emotional train wreck yet.

My diary on some days, random ramblings other days, but either way I'm back.

Now, how to change my blog title. Still Dreaming doesn't seem appropriate for the goal. Maybe chasing dreams?  

So I'm coming back!

 I've decided it's time to put in writing all these thoughts running in my brain and I finally remembered my password so here I am. Stay tuned....

One More Loss

Adoption comes out of loss. 

We only have our daughter because she was removed from her first parents.  Despite that things weren't perfect, they were her parents, she loved them and in their own unhealthy ways, they loved her. How could they not?

As she went into foster care, there was so much emotion for her to deal with, so much loss and grief to deal with.  She'd one day move to another home, be adopted, and get disrupted again, losing yet another set of parents.

4 1/2 years after being removed from her birth home, she'd move in with us and it would take many years before she'd start feeling safe and know that we were in it forever and that forever wasn't just a word people said.

12 days short of 6 years from the day she moved in, our little girl, who's 17 and so grown, would wake me up to tell me she couldn't sleep.  Restless, she finally headed back to bed to attempt to get back to sleep.  A night full of restlessness, I was checking my phone and saw I had a message.

Her birthmom messaged and said "message me back ASAP. It's important".  I felt that sinking feeling knowing something had happened.

Kiddos birthdad had just passed away about 30 minutes prior to that.  Coincidentally, about the time kiddo had entered my room to tell me she couldn't sleep.

It had been 8 years since she had seen him and I knew that despite the time, despite the love for us, that this would not be an easy conversation.

Putting it off as long as possible that next morning during our Saturday morning ritual of cuddling with the pups, I finally told her.

She was devastated.

She laid on me and let me just rub her hair and tell her I love her.

As her tears flowed, all I could think about was "why? why does my baby have to go thru so many heartbreaks in her lifetime?"

She will go thru the loss of parents so many times in her life.

She lost both birth parents once when she was removed.
She lost her first set of adoptive parents when the adoption was dissolved.
She lost her birth father through death.
One day she'll lose her birth mom through death.
One day she'll lost us through death.

Why? Why does my baby have to be subjected to so much pain in her short life thru far?  Why does she have so much pain ahead of her?

Not only does she have so much loss and grief, but somehow because she's adopted, the past isn't suppose to matter, she doesn't have the same support others have when they lose somebody.  People don't get her pain the way she deserves to have people understand her.

I'm so glad she knows it's safe to talk to us, but I do wish more understood that a kind word, a gentle encouragement, something is better than ignoring her pain. 

Been a year.....

how crazy that it's less than 2 weeks from a year since I've been on here.

I forgot my password.  How nuts is that?

Anyway, problem solved and I'm back!
As my kiddo is growing up so much, it's probably going to be random ramblings just to get things out of my head.

A few goals for the year are to do more things to take care of myself (ie. writing, eating better, painting, photography, etc).  I'm also going to make my hours at work count more and try to increase the bonuses.  I'm so frustrated at work and need to feel like it's worth it.  Finally, I'm going to work on improving my preparing kiddo for the future.  She's a Junior now and almost grown up chronologically and may need some extra care to get ready for the work world that is ahead.

College Acceptance & More

How far we've come

When baby girl first moved in, we were getting 3-4 calls a week from the school regarding both behavior issues and academic issues.  Academic issues were about her not doing the work, erasing her ipad and not turning in the work, etc.

Behavior issues to the point of teachers turning their heads, pretending they didn't see us in public to avoid talking to our child. 

A couple years later, behavior issues were non-existent.  We were getting compliments from teachers on our childs behavior, manners and how respectful she is.  We were told "you should have more kids, if all our students were like yours, a teachers job would be so easy".  She still struggled with the academics, but was a dream as far as behavior at school.

Last year, it was all about balance.  She was achieving straight A's, earning academic awards, behavior a dream, popular with her peers. 

Comparing now to 5 years ago is like comparing how far you can see at 2 am vs 2 pm.

Things are going well at school and while she has some hard classes and not a straight A student, her effort is there, her focus is there and we couldn't ask for more.

She's received her first college acceptance letter.  She will be doing dual enrollment for her Junior and Senior year of high school and should be able to have all her general credits for associates degree by the time she receives her high school diploma.

This week, we received a letter stating she was being invited to apply to enter Governors School for her Junior and Senior years. 

She can choose to do Governors school, college or both at the same time as finishing her high school career.  Governors school is a program that is for gifted students to challenge and teach beyond what is available in a normal high school education.

Governors school is competitive and only about 15% of applicants are accepted.

Dual enrollment, on the other hand, would save us 2 years of college expenses.  Oh wait....no it wouldn't, kiddo was adopted after age 8, so 2 years is free anyway.

I think both would be too overwhelming, although it is an option.  I hope she doesn't do that because I want her to enjoy the rest of her high school years, but on the other hand, how amazing that this is an option.  Our Godson did both and we're so proud, so it is possible. 

If I were her, I'd choose college vs dual enrollment, but the choice is hers and I'm not going to weigh in, just support the decision. 

We shall see what happens.