Root Cause

After 2 weeks of crazies, baby girl finally had therapy.

She said in the waiting room that she thinks she figured out what was bugging her.  She told us she's really worried that S will never find a family and be stuck in residential a long time.

That sorta rung more true than the multitude of things she said the other day.

She went in therapy and about 35-40 minutes in, we got invited in and she started by telling us that she was sorry for how she behaved. Her therapist asked her to share what was on her mind.  She struggled a little, but told us the same as above.  Her therapist asked her if she'd like help telling us the rest and helped her by asking a few questions.

She said she feels really guilty that she's in a good home and S doesn't even have a family.  She told her therapist that she feels really bad and responsible for them getting separated.  She feels bad that if given the chance to give S her life, she wouldn't, because she wants to keep her life with us.  (her therapist said actually her words were she was crazy about us and loved us alot and that it upsets her when she behaves like this, knowing that it hurts us)

So, the trigger: doing fun things. Once was at her sleepover, once was right after going to see Addams Family on Broadway.  When we do super fun, special things, she feels like she doesn't deserve it and then starts compounding those feelings feeling even worse that she knows S isn't experiencing these normal family things.

I'm so proud of my baby for being able to get this out.  This therapist really knows how to get things out of her and I'm so glad we finally found a decent one. VERY few good ones around here and we had to drive an hour for a year to get just an "okay" one that wouldn't cause more damage than good before finding this one.

I met them at the office for my lunch, so I left to go back to work and the hubster took baby girl back home. He said on the way home that she said she sure was glad she'd finally gotten that out, that she feels better.

Obviously we can't avoid doing fun things.  We asked what we could do to help her. She said "Adopt S".  Oh my!!

We asked her if we needed to do less big activities, but she was dead set against that. She said she loves doing these things and wants to enjoy them and learn not to lash out afterwards and for us to please keep doing fun things.

We'll see after February 27th.  Hubster won tickets for 4 to see Harlem Globetrotters that night.  Our 4th for the night will be baby girls BFF.  They're so excited.

Monster

Not sure what's going on, but kiddo has been struggling bad the past 3 weeks.

Another instance of hoarding food (in the playroom/guest bedroom).  It was so disgusting when I found it, that we really had no choice but to remove the bed from the guest bedroom.  We put her cute peace sign chair in their so she can still use it as a playroom.

I wish I knew what was bugging her. I know S being moved so much lately has her really upset, but for some reason I don't really think that was the trigger. Mommy instincts say otherwise. Her BFF says she's not been talking to her much lately either and she normally will talk non stop to her about S.  It's so hard for me to pinpoint.  S moving again, my spraining my ankle and her spending time in the ER with me couldn't have been easy (especially since her last placement (supposedly--sw says so, C says it happened before then too) went South due to medical issues turning her adad into a monster no child should have to deal with) and my having to go out of town on business.  Maybe a combination of all those stressors took it's toll?

I hope that her therapist can get something out of her Wednesday.

Huummm, just realized she's been wound up ever since her last therapy session.  Wonder if she walked out a little unsettled and hasn't calmed down? Not sure, but either way, I want my consistent baby back instead of this up and down baby.

Yesterday was a great day. Although she didn't want to get rid of the bed, she understood why and once the room was rearranged, she loved it and we sat in the middle of the floor and played one of her new Christmas games.  I so hope we can have another good day today.

I hate Winter and I tend to get depressed during Winter so I hope kiddo isn't channelling me and picking up on my mood and thinking it's directed at her. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I bought broadway tickets to see The Adamms Family for us all, hoping to give us all that pick me up we need.

Kiddo's squealing when I told her---priceless!!!

Stuck

My little girl is stuck in traumaville, I can't figure out what's going on and my sweet baby girl has turned into a terror.  I wish I could figure out what's up.  It hurts so deeply to see her struggle.

When she's struggling, she argues, about anything!! Everything must be controlled by her and if it's not something we can let her control, she goes bonkers and we're so mean.

She's been hyper the past few days so I knew it was coming, I just didn't know how badly.

I sprained my ankle Sunday night and maybe going to the ER with me triggered something? I don't know.
Maybe something happened around New Years and it's triggering her? I don't know. She says not, but we found out after Thanksgiving that Thanksgiving was a trigger.

In any event, the year has barely started and I'm ready for it to be over if this behavior is indicative of how the year will be.